Monthly blogs – The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset

My struggle with reality as a teenager

CallumBW95 — Thu, 24 Feb 2022 15:42:05 +0000

I would be sitting innocently in a class as a 13 year old. Nervous… scared. If it started again…. When IT…. would win… I was terrified to go to school… I felt I had no power over my mind. I’d cry about the thought of having to go in.

What was IT?

It was never fully diagnosed but speaking to a friend who went through something similar, the closest self diagnosis I was able to conclude from my situation was that I went through an undiagnosed case of derealisation.

Usually my blogs are quick shares of experience with solutions but today I felt the need to be a little bit more open as I go through some deeper work in my life. Currently I’m working through subconscious blocks and trauma in my life.

When we say trauma it doesn’t necessarily mean a huge amount of abuse, it can mean an event which triggered us to feel a certain way. It can be a huge rejection, a job lose or a terrifying moment. Trauma lives in our body. I’ve discovered mine in forms of tense shoulders and a clenching jaw to name a couple.

When I reflected back on my younger years of my life, although at 31 now I’d consider myself very young in life still, I came up with this painful series of experiences of self diagnosed derealisation.

I would feel scared, terrified and anxious. I would disassociate myself from being in certain times in my life, mainly the classroom at school when it was boring lol. It was beyond terrifying feeling like I was in a dream (or nightmare), that everyone and everything around me wasn’t real. I would pinch myself and clench my fists hard to attempt to not have a panic attack.

I remember a couple of times I would though. I would breathe heavily and leave the room. I was terrified and never felt so alone in my life.

What were the reactions from the school nurse and my parents?
They thought I was just tired and playing up…. I even went to the Doctor and they thought nothing of it. Just tiredness. I don’t think mental health challenges back in the early 2000s were as evident as they are now. The school nurse and my parents started to get irritated by me coming up with this challenge a few times. It’s not their fault it wasn’t clear what was up.

I just knew I felt very alone. Very scared and terrified. I was not very self aware in life then and didn’t know what was up.

How was it caused?
I don’t know. Perhaps some kind of unresolved trauma. I had been in a car crash and almost died at 11 years old, but hadn’t really processed that. I had lost a brother at 2 and a half years old, a grandad just before that and a grandma at 7 when I never fully processed it either.

There are lots of levels deeper I’m prepared to go. It’s not easy when your brain hides things for you, but I know that when I uncover something and share it, I feel a sense of freedom and can grow even more.

So how did I overcome it?
I kept my head up, continued to battle the fear of having a panic attack feeling like I wasn’t in reality. I started to focus on other good things in life. Eventually I didn’t have these episodes anymore. I’d definitely recommend to anyone in this day and age to share and get help as the root cause needs to be explored as trauma and stress came up in other areas in my life which I’ll share in another blog.

I feel the healthiest approach in my life for me has to move forward to go for what I want, but also become self aware and look at any wounds I may be carrying. I’ve not been as good at the latter but it’s something I’m committed to now.

Conclusion

This has been my share of my struggle with reality as a teenager. I hope by writing this someone can relate to my story to help them understand they are not alone. Trauma can spring up in many ways, but self awareness and deep work can really set us free. I’ll continue to do some more deep work and share my experiences.

Thank you for reading.

By Jonny Pardoe

Podcast Host, Confidence & Podcast Coach and Author

© The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset Ltd February 2022
E-mail: coaching@jonnypardoe.com
Instagram / Facebook / TikTok: @jonny.pardoe
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Do you get frustrated with outcomes or others?

CallumBW95 — Wed, 23 Feb 2022 23:00:19 +0000

A lot of people I’ve coached and worked with have been challenged with this at the start. I have too and have to catch myself out for it. Getting frustrated at what I can’t control.

Maybe you can relate? We’re all human after all. Well in today’s blog I’m going to share a couple of tips on how to approach this.

Visually draw it out to see
When things get put on paper it takes a lot of the stress away right?
Well divide your list into three categories and look at how you are processing the situations you have a challenging time dealing with.
What you can control e.g your response, actions and behaviour
What you can influence e.g turning up prepared for an interview or sharing a message you’ve prepared
What you can’t control e.g the outcome and other people’s actions
Then you’ve got something to look at and remind yourself of it on a regular process.

Ask yourself ‘what is this teaching me’?
In life we can see things as ‘happening to me’ or ‘happening for me’. Now although there are a number of really bad scenarios in life there are some extremely inspirational examples from humanity of people going through hell and coming out strong and inspiring others.
For example just look at people like Tony Robbins or Oprah Winfrey and look up their back stories.
It’s not to say you shouldn’t feel frustrated, angry, griefing or negative emotions. We need to process them but to stay in a state of victim mentality all the time… well would it do anyone any good?
Instead there comes a time to ask ‘what is this teaching me?’ and ‘how can I use it to inspire or help others?’

Conclusion

Getting frustrated, down or angry about certain situations or others in life is normal and processing it is needed. However when we become too much in victim mode or focused on what we can’t control then life becomes a challenge. Choose your way today.

By Jonny Pardoe

Podcast Host, Confidence & Podcast Coach and Author

The post Do you get frustrated with outcomes or others? appeared first on The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset.

Three key things I’ve learned from self development

CallumBW95 — Tue, 22 Feb 2022 18:31:29 +0000

Following my recent podcast episode with Anton Pavlovsky, CEO of the Headway self development app. I wanted to share three things that I’ve learned on my self development journey that maybe you can relate to.

Know your outcome

It is critical to always know why you are doing something. In this day and age we get caught up with so many ‘to dos’. Everybody is always busy. Instead of asking ‘what do I have to do?’ ask yourself ‘what do I want?’

Then allow your activities to follow accordingly. Otherwise life isn’t as fulfilling at the end of the day or week and you may risk burnout chasing those endless ‘to dos’

Role model people you should be role modeling

This sounds so simple and obvious but it’s a mistake so many people make.

People love to give their opinion, and whilst there is a degree of flexibility to make friends with people and network, the wrong advice can be worse than no advice.

Pay attention to who you are role modeling.

For example don’t take financial advice off your broke friend. Don’t take relationship advice off your consistently single friend. Don’t take business advice from that relative who has never started a business in their life.

As the quote from Jim Rohn goes ‘Success leaves clues’. You don’t need to or should ever become someone you’re not but you can learn from those who are further along in the journey than you.

What do they believe? What do they do? How do they act?

Your subconscious mind is always open and listening

Ever had a turn around one day and thought ‘wow! I feel a big difference from a couple of months back’. The flip side can also be ‘why am I self sabotaging constantly??’

We are driven by our subconscious mind more dominantly than what we are just consciously paying attention to. A lot of what is stored there was made in the early years of life when we were children. However, what you also consume on a consistent basis will also create a powerful message to store there and also has the power to change those beliefs from childhood… both in good and bad ways.

If you are listening to fear led information like the news for example, consistently you will more likely live that kind of stressful and anxious based life. If however you like to consume high quality podcasts and books. Then guess what? That’s also going to create a strong set of beliefs in the back of the mind.

Consciously you have the power to choose when you stop to take a moment to reflect on your habits.

Conclusion

Self development for me is a non negotiable. As human beings we are always growing, there is no end point until the end of our lives and even then various views. Being clear on what you want, role modeling the right people and being conscious of the information consumed on a regular basis is something that has made a huge impact in my life.

By Jonny Pardoe

Podcast Host, Confidence & Podcast Coach and Author

E-mail: coaching@jonnypardoe.com

Instagram / Facebook / TikTok: @jonny.pardoe

LinkedIn: Jonny Pardoe

YouTube: youtube.com/c/JonnyPardoe

Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Anchor: The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset

Amazon: Jonny Pardoe

Website: jonnypardoe.com

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3 tips for dealing with stress

CallumBW95 — Mon, 21 Feb 2022 21:30:10 +0000

This is often something I get a lot of feedback from my podcast listeners and clients initially when I start coaching them. I’d be lying of course if I said I never struggle from stress. In particular, the last few months have tested me. In fact the more you grow the more challenges you will have to face.

So here are the tips…

Learn how to breathe properly
When we are stressed we constrict our breathing and tend to be chest breathing. Instead focus on breathing into your diaphragm. I would suggest going on YouTube and looking up Wim Hof for some very effective breathing techniques.

Set your environment up to win
In today’s remote working and heavy technology environment. There are more stressors and less relaxation in some cases. Set up your environment to win. Separate your working spaces, even if like me you have your living room, kitchen and study as a combined room in a smaller flat. Have zones for relaxing and working.

Pay attention to how you feel after food
Food can have more of an impact on how we feel than you think. Have you had little to eat in a day and more productivity and energy? Or perhaps loads to eat and had that brain food? Well also pay attention to how you feel after foods as you may have some sensitivities.

A good approach to this is to monitor how you feel after certain foods in your day and journal it.

Conclusion

Stress is something a lot of us deal with, but don’t let it run your life. Become more aware of the triggers and pay attention to your body.

By Jonny Pardoe

Podcast Host, Confidence & Podcast Coach and Author

The post 3 tips for dealing with stress appeared first on The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset.

How to deal with the fear of rejection

CallumBW95 — Sun, 20 Feb 2022 21:06:36 +0000

Is the fear of rejection holding you back or perhaps it has done in the past? In today’s blog I’ll share three tips that have really helped me.

This came from reflecting on last night with the guys and New Year’s Eve. Celebrating that I go out and have a good time, New Year’s Eve was actually a sober night too. I worry a lot less about what others think of me now. Yesterday people were looking at our group’s bad dance moves and mine and I was still enjoying it and the same with New Year. In general I feel a big shift across my life in my attitude to rejection.

So here are the tips…

Remember often people are more concerned with their own lives than you

This does not mean people don’t like or care about you, it simply means that people are usually wrapped in their own lives to worry about what you look like or say to them. So remember this, when thinking about someone disapproving or saying ‘no’ to you.

The more you do something the better you’ll become

This sounds too simple to be true right? Well it’s true and honestly understanding we have to do something or understanding it intellectually is a lot different than doing it.

So put yourself in those situations that are slightly out of your comfort zone, it doesn’t have to be a massive jump. The more you experience rejection the more you’ll grow in confidence and you will teach your brain it is not life or death like it thinks it is.

Praise yourself for experiencing rejection

Yes you read that right! Praise yourself for rejection. This is one of the many golden bits of info my mentor Joseph McClendon taught me. When you do something courageous, celebrate. Even and especially when it doesn’t go to plan.

Why? Because it tells your brain to do more courageous things, we love praise and we are completely in control of giving it to ourselves.

Conclusion

So a brief and simple blog today. Rejection is something everyone experiences as it’s inevitable and the more you grow the more likely you are to experience it. You can’t grow in confidence until you face the fear, but always remember to praise yourself.

By Jonny Pardoe

Podcast Host, Confidence & Podcast Coach and Author

The post How to deal with the fear of rejection appeared first on The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset.

Three tips for an empowering morning routine

CallumBW95 — Sat, 19 Feb 2022 01:15:12 +0000

I’m guessing you may have seen many blogs, videos and podcast episodes on the morning routine right? Well… me too. What is the right one though? There are many credible people out there highlighting theirs. So how do you know what to include in yours?

Well today I’m going to go through three tips that I’ve taken from experience on how to have an empowering morning routine for you. Based on studying morning routines of high performers, experiencing several myself and including into my coaching practice for clients and seeing results from them.

Relevant

Make it relevant for you! We hear these things: journaling, meditation, yoga, gym, affirmations, reading… and I love all these great things and include them in my life, but think… What’s actually useful out of those for you?

What is your outcome in life or your next goal? If you don’t know either by the way take some time to think about it (that’s a different blog altogether) Then ask yourself who do you need to be? What habits does that person you want to be have? You can do them now!

One effective way is to role model someone who is further along in the journey in where you want to be. The problem I see and I’ve done myself is role model someone else who has a completely different path from myself. Make your morning routine relevant to you.

I for example have included voice exercises in mine for even 5 minutes to get my voice warmed up as I speak to a lot of individuals and also podcast and go on video daily. I’ll also include a short breathing exercise, quickly read my goals and do a hypnosis session to work on my money mindset.

Make it easy for your brain

Willpower is not sustainable. If you start off right away with a massive 2 hour routine of a load of new things,… sure it may feel great for a few day, even a week but can it be continued? I always make a rule for myself and coach my clients in the same way, to make new habits and routines as easy as possible.

Why? The brain likes easy. It tries to converse energy constantly. So if you are wanting to create a new morning routine make it easy 20-30 minutes total to begin with and if there is something new within there make it in 2-5 minutes.

I’ve too many times made that ‘super achiever’ mistake of putting too much into my life too soon and it exhausted me, especially when I’ve done that in my morning routine.

Would you prefer easy and effective in moving forward, or hard and effective that becomes less effective over time?

The time of it

There is a great book called ‘The 5 AM Club’ which got me into 5 AM morning routines which was good for a while but really my body didn’t enjoy it. We hear a lot of ‘You gotta get up at 4 or 5 AM to succeed’.

Whilst I personally believe getting up at 11AM may limit your chances of having a quiet and proactive start to the day, I do believe you find what is best for your body clock. I got up at 5AM and had a couple of good hours but then a miserable rest of the day. I’ve gotten up at 7 AM or even 8 AM and had a great few hours and a pretty decent day. Whilst one of my heroes Tony Robbins goes on about living off 5 hours sleep there are others out there who say it’s different for them….Jeff Bezos one of the richest men in the world reports he needs 8 hours sleep and gets up after 7AM.

I believe sleep is soooo important too. So I’m not going to tell you what time you should get up or how much sleep exactly but listen to your body and figure out what works for you.

One tip to adapt to getting up at an earlier time, if you want to do that, is to get up at that time but do something you really enjoy for the first few days rather than hard work. That way you ease into it and look forward to getting up and getting out of bed is easier.

Conclusion

So that concludes the tips for an empowering morning routine. The reason I labeled it an empowering morning routine was because I want your morning routine to be something that empowers you rather than what you ‘think you should do’. Listen to what you want and align your morning routine to that.

By Jonny Pardoe

Podcast Host, Confidence & Podcast Coach and Author

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Do you wish you felt more empowered?

CallumBW95 — Thu, 17 Feb 2022 22:30:08 +0000

Do you wish you had more control sometimes over your own life? You could do more and help yourself. Well today I am going to share this short article to help you feel more empowered.

I can remember feeling out of control, so reliant on external factors. If I got the praise I’d feel good only temporarily short term, if I didn’t I’d feel bad lponger term. That’s not to say when someone compliments you, you shouldn’t embrace it… please do, but we need to praise ourselves first.

So here are my tips today how you can become more empowered:

Write your own rules for approval

In life we create beliefs and rules based on experiences. We aren’t often conscious of what we are taking in though and the rules we are forming, especially in childhood. So it’s important to become more conscious of your own rules for approval. I mean what does it take for you to feel approval?

I found that my rules for approval were completely reliant on external factors like other people’s approval and were hard to meet. These were things like ‘everyone has to like me’ or ‘I must be liked by this person’… My rules for rejection were things like one person not liking me, or not everyone agreeing on what I was saying. Which made it pretty much impossible for me to feel approval.

Sounds ridiculous right? But we’ve been conditioned in experience to create these rules and rarely pay attention to them and just go about life. No wonder there are so many challenges in self esteem.

So spend some time and think about what are your rules for approval and rejection? What would some better ones be and rewrite them to where you can consciously see them. Make your rules for feeling approval easy and feeling rejection almost impossible. So you are in control of your own approval and rejection.

E.g to receive approval I tell myself ‘I love you’ in the mirror once a day.. EASY

To receive rejection I would have to shout I am rejecting myself to myself ten times in a row and phone ten people to announce it.

Study someone who models empowerment and take notes

We all know that person or have seen that person who seems so cool and empowered.The great news is we can study them. Take notes… as you write you invite as one of my mentors says. The more you can observe the desirable behaviour the more you are likely to take it on.

I’m not saying become someone else, always be you but take on new behaviour by role modeling others who have that quality. I for example studied the character Harvey Specter off Suits on Netflix. The way he went about life was so cool and empowered and modeled it into my own life.

Take small action each week

Ok so we’ve talked about writing rules and studying empowered people… if you don’t take action or implement anything your life won’t change though. So think of something you can do each week that will empower you to grow.

This could be going on a spontaneous trip to the city or country or saying something you usually wouldn’t. The more we come out of our comfort zone the more we are likely to empower ourselves. I see this said time and time again in personal growth but people don’t know this until they actually do this.

Conclusion

We’ve gone through some pointers on empowering yourself. Be sure to think about what you can do more of from this. If you don’t empower yourself what would the consequence be? Not just for you but those around you. You deserve to empower yourself.

By Jonny Pardoe

Podcast Host, Confidence & Podcast Coach and Author

E-mail: coaching@jonnypardoe.com

Instagram / Facebook / TikTok: @jonny.pardoe

LinkedIn: Jonny Pardoe

YouTube: youtube.com/c/JonnyPardoe

Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Anchor: The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset

Amazon: Jonny Pardoe

Website: jonnypardoe.com

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3 Hacks to Build Resilience

CallumBW95 — Wed, 16 Feb 2022 19:32:30 +0000

Does it get exhausting for you sometimes with setback after setback? Or maybe there is a previous period in your life you can relate to this.

Today I am going to share three tips with you I’ve learned in my life and from coaching to build more resilience.

I’m now a Confidence and Podcast Coach, Podcast Host and Author but there was once a stage in my life when I got rejected by over 10 jobs in a row consistently. There’s been times in my entrepreneurial life when life was challenging to generate business… every single entrepreneur can relate to this one I’ve spoken to. Dating has also been something that at times was very hard to work through.

Fortunately as someone so into personal growth I’ve adopted the mentality of learning from true models out there and then applying what I’ve learned. So here are my three hacks I’ve used to build my resilience and those I support.

The power of your environment

Environment can mean several things but in this case I am referring to the people in your life. This perhaps at glance sounds common sense but common sense isn’t that common… especially when we get into automated behaviours day to day.

If you have negative people either putting you down, putting themselves down, putting life down or all of these, it’s going to be really hard to have strong resilience if you surround yourself with this constantly.

If however you have uplifting, positive and strong minded people in your life, online or offline more often than negativity, then you’re likely to adopt similar attitudes and behaviours. Therefore look at who you are surrounding yourself with. There is a reason I’ve spent thousands in my personal growth and getting access to the right people in my life.

The book Will Power Doesn’t Work by Benjamin Hardy goes into this more.

Focus on giving

This point is not about exhausting yourself by caring for everyone. No! You can’t contribute to others if you don’t care for yourself. This point is more about having a purpose or goal on something stronger than yourself. Whether that’s a charity, loved ones, a new meaning you want to add to the world or something else. As human beings we’ll do much more when it’s not just for ourselves, it adds more inspiration and resilience than just short term motivation.

What could this be for you? I personally give a percentage of my income to Great Ormond Street Hospital as one example to support ill children.

Remember to train your subconscious mind

Studies and research have shown the majority of our behaviour is driven from the subconscious mind. Therefore we’d better make sure it has as much empowering information in it as possible. The mind has the conscious mind (what we are focusing on in that moment) and the subconscious mind (what we are not in that moment consciously but has been filled with experiences and beliefs).

If you have a strong will consciously to lose weight but subconsciously you believe ‘I am not enough’ ‘I will never lose weight’ your healthy behaviour will only be short lived before self sabotage. Therefore as well as taking action the subconscious mind needs to be supportive.

How do you do this? I won’t go too much into detail but I love using short hypnosis or meditations tracks. Check out Marisa Peer, Joe Dizpenza and Bruce Lipton. If we have a subconscious mind that believes strong things about us, we will be more resilient to challenges that come up in life.

Conclusion

So today we’ve looked at three ways to build your resilience. Make sure you have as much access to good quality people in your life. Make sure you focus on contributing to others as well as caring for yourself. Then train that subconscious mind daily.

By Jonny Pardoe

Podcast Host, Confidence & Podcast Coach and Author

E-mail: coaching@jonnypardoe.com

Instagram / Facebook / TikTok: @jonny.pardoe

LinkedIn: Jonny Pardoe

YouTube: youtube.com/c/JonnyPardoe

Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Anchor: The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset

Amazon: Jonny Pardoe

Website: jonnypardoe.com

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Do you want to build a better relationship with yourself?

CallumBW95 — Tue, 15 Feb 2022 12:51:31 +0000

Do you feel like the relationship with yourself is not how you would like it to be? Well following Valentine’s Day I will share three tips to improve your relationship with yourself and therefore your relationship with others.

This was something I used to struggle with a lot, both personally and professionally. When things went well I would dismiss it, but things went badly there would be constant criticism ‘useless’ ‘pathetic’ ‘stupid’… now I use terms like ‘I am awesome’ ‘what a legend’.

I’ve worked with coaching clients on this too, who at first looked so much from the external world to get validation to be liked, instead of working on this for themselves. The transformation I’ve seen in mine and others lives when we work on building and continually developing a strong relationship with ourselves makes such a difference.

So why do we struggle to build a good relationship with ourselves?

From a young age we require parents or guardians to help us survive. There comes a point though where we aren’t provided everything we want in minutes. We have to grow up, we have to become more individual. The early years of our lives also create the beliefs we have from ourselves from our environment. Even if you are brought up in a loving environment, a single moment can create a belief that can create a negative relationship with yourself.

For example a father shouting at a three year old boy ‘You’re stupid and useless’ from a highly emotional day, which is completely out of character from his usual loving self. But he’s had a tough week at work and his three year old has created a huge mess in the living room.

The boy then creates a subconscious belief that is stored away that he’s ‘not good enough’ ‘stupid’ ‘useless’ which in turn creates a negative relationship with himself. This could be stored away for years with the boy growing up with a negative relationship with himself.

The good news… we have the choice to transform our relationships with ourselves at any time. In this blog we won’t go into subconscious programming but I highly recommend you check out the work of Bruce Lipton or Marisa Peer for more on this.

Today, here are three things to ask yourself regularly to create a good quality relationship with yourself…

Time – are you giving yourself enough time?

In each of these think about it like you’re looking after the three year old of you, or perhaps you have a child or younger sibling.

Ask yourself this ‘If I didn’t give my younger me any of or gave minimal amount of my time to focus, how would they feel?’

Perhaps you’d think: neglected, not loved, not valued.. This list could go on.

That’s exactly the message you are sending yourself when you don’t give yourself quality time to do what you want to do or don’t listen to yourself.

So think about how you could give yourself more time.

Effort – are you putting in effort with yourself?

This is similar to time but slightly differs. We may have seen instances and we’re all guilty of it, of not really being present in a situation with a friend or loved one. Especially with the invention of mobile phones which reduce people’s quality in communication. Text messaging is not real communication!

Anyway… imagine being with the three year old version of you and not really putting in any effort or commitment to make them feel they are important.

Again how do you think they would feel? Lonely, neglected, not worthy.

Well when you don’t put good quality attention on yourself from time to time… these again are the messages you are sending yourself.

Ask yourself how can you be more present and put more effort in with yourself?

Money – are you investing and looking after you?

Money! An interesting one to add on. Though there are a number of views and beliefs about money, we won’t go deep into them here. This point is the idea that investing into yourself to care and grow yourself will only strengthen your relationship. We are not talking thousands of dollars or pounds here!

Going back to the three year old version of you. If you didn’t care for them at all, even if you had the power to, how do you think they would feel?

Yes I appreciate we all have different incomes and financial situations but if you spent your money on things you really didn’t need instead of giving to your child (even something small) how would they feel? Not valued, not worth it?

This is the message you are sending yourself. I can share that I’ve invested so much in myself into my own development even when I didn’t have the money. I found a way and that only built my relationship stronger, telling myself that I am worth it. The times when I let the fear part of the mind come up with excuses that it was too expensive (even though I could have been more resourceful) I made the relationship with myself worse. Of course there are times when things are completely out of the question to invest in but only you know for you when that’s genuinely the case.

Where in your life could you invest more into yourself? Even a small amount if you really thought about it.

Conclusion

So today we’ve looked at three ways to strengthen your relationship with yourself. Think about the three year old version of you in terms of time, effort and money. It’s your decision and only your decision in how you treat yourself, but as you are going to be with yourself 100% of your life do you think it’s a relationship worth focusing on?

By Jonny Pardoe

Podcast Host, Confidence & Podcast Coach and Author

E-mail: coaching@jonnypardoe.com

Instagram / Facebook / TikTok: @jonny.pardoe

LinkedIn: Jonny Pardoe

YouTube: youtube.com/c/JonnyPardoe

Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Anchor: The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset

Amazon: Jonny Pardoe

Website: jonnypardoe.com

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3 tips on how to reduce over thinking

CallumBW95 — Mon, 14 Feb 2022 12:52:27 +0000

‘I need to do this’ ‘I need to do that’ ‘There’s too much to do, and it’s so overwhelming’, I’ve definitely experienced those conversations with myself. Have you? It’s not overthinking the positives in life though is it? If you’d been thinking about all the great stuff that’s happened in your life and that is to come I don’t think you’d be
Today I’ve summarised three points to help you manage overthinking effectively.

Get it down on paper

This is vital, when things are floating around in our heads it can get very complicated and confusing. Getting them out of your head and onto paper is half the battle. Start listing all of the things you are thinking about sounds overwhelming but getting it onto paper starts to allow your brain more room to think and start to process more effectively.
Then start asking yourself powerful questions.
‘What are the most important things for me to do next?’ ‘What are the top 1-3 most important things I can do?’ Ask yourself a question and your brain will find an answer.

Get a coach or mentor

‘You can’t see the label inside the jar’ this means you can’t always see things in your life from just your perspective. Yes, increasing self awareness through things like journaling is key but having a coach or mentor will give a professional outside view too. A coach is someone who will tend to facilitate your thinking to get you into the best position possible whilst a mentor is someone who has experience in an area. The roles can be combined too, I do this in my coaching.
Having these can take time off your learning and growing journey. When I’ve had my coaches and mentors they’ve opened up my eyes to things I’ve never seen before or realised. In addition, when I’ve had too many things on my mind they have helped me focus on the most important things rather than overthinking.
Yes these cost money, but it’s an investment not an expense. Could you save money on things like new clothes, buying too much shopping or reducing bills? I bet you could. This is an investment into your future that will help you narrow your focus onto what is important to you. I don’t talk about the value of this because I am a mentor but I talk about this because of the changes it’s had to my life.

Take time to define your goals and the result than activities

So many times I’ve been caught up in just being busy or in activity mode. Going through the ‘to do’ list. Don’t get me wrong, being organised and having things to crack on with in your day is essential but you need to align it to what you actually want. You wouldn’t just get in a car and do a load of driving without a clear destination, so don’t do this with your life.
When we overthink we often think about all the challenges and things we have to get done. Bring yourself back to your main goals and what you can do to achieve them. Do this every single day. If you have a lack of clarity about your goals then you need to spend some time working out what your goals are. I spent over a week defining my 2021 goals with the targets for my months. Each month now I know where I am going and roughly what activities I need to do. Yes things will change and we have to be flexible in life, but having a clear direction and outcome will enable you to focus on the most important things.

Conclusion

Overthinking tends to be when there are too many thoughts in our head and lack of clarity. So begin by getting it out of your head and then work out where you are going. Get someone to help you see from another perspective. Keep referring back to your outcome and take action from there. Keep going, you action taker!

By Jonny Pardoe

Podcast Host, Confidence & Podcast Coach and Author

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