CallumBW95 – The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset

How to increase your drive

CallumBW95 — Fri, 04 Mar 2022 19:33:32 +0000

Are you wondering how you could add more inspiration or motivation into your life?

In today’s blog I share a quick perspective on this.

Your why

This is a very cliche personal growth thing, but it’s true. Having a deep connection to your why is critical. Why you are going after any goal or doing something. However I wanted to put a slightly different perspective to it you may not have come across, and it came from Harv Ecker Author of Secrets of the Millionaire Mind. He said that your why should consist of both what you will get and what others will get as a result. Not one without the other.

Let’s cover these…

What you will get

In certain cases self love and focusing on us has been given a negative label like ‘selfish’… In my personal opinion it’s more selfish not to do this. Why? You can’t help others and be at your best if you don’t look after you first. So therefore in your goals, intentions your days and your weeks don’t shy away from doing things that you truly want to get / receive. Whether that’s certain experiences, connections or treating yourself. You deserve and need it.

In terms of my financial goal for example, I have certain travel experiences and high level masterminds I want to get from growing my business that pushes me more than just a number.

What others will get

If we just focus on ourselves though we lose that soulful connection. One common thing I’ve learned from my personal growth role models and leaders in the industry is that they contribute hugely to other people and that makes them happy. If you look at historical strong and fulfilled leaders they contribute hugely to people and that’s built into their why and drive.

Reflect on what you will contribute in your why. Is it a charitable cause, is it your kids, is it your family or is it to help people through an issue you’ve faced or had similar experiences with?

In terms of my financial goal for example, I want to donate more to Great Ormond Street Hospital, a charity I help monthly and treat my parents to a holiday for all the things they’ve done for me.

Conclusion

Our drive and why does need to be fueled when we go after what we want. Make sure to consider both sides though and not one without the other. What is it going to give you personally and what will it give to help out others?

By Jonny Pardoe

Podcast Host, Confidence & Podcast Coach and Author

E-mail: coaching@jonnypardoe.com

Instagram / Facebook / TikTok: @jonny.pardoe

LinkedIn: Jonny Pardoe

YouTube: youtube.com/c/JonnyPardoe

Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Anchor: The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset

Amazon: Jonny Pardoe

Website: jonnypardoe.com

The post How to increase your drive appeared first on The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset.

Nobody is fearless but there are those who fear less

CallumBW95 — Thu, 03 Mar 2022 23:53:41 +0000

Are you wondering how someone is fearless?

Well nobody is fearless… but there are those who are fearless. A great quote from one of my mentors Joseph McClendon.

There is sometimes the misconception that charismatic or confident people have no fear. Every leader, personal growth influencer or confident person I’ve met has shared they all have fears. The thing is some of us fear less than others.

So how do you fear less?

Confidence and reduction in fear is caused from performing courageous acts. Courage is not the absence of fear. It’s the feeling of fear but doing it anyway.

The thing is the more you grow the more challenges you are likely to come up against. The more you will push through challenges and therefore the more confidence you will gain.

Then when you do courageous actions, it’s important to praise yourself. Do not miss this.

This is actually a real simple point but confidence comes through action not from feeling. Intellectually knowing this is not the same as owning it though.

If something is too big a jump… break it down.

If the thought of speaking in front of many people scares you, speak in front of a small group.

If the thought of talking to that person you fancy is daunting, just start off by saying hello in the street.

The more you do something the more confident you’ll become.

Remember to PRAISE YOURSELF though

Conclusion

So we’ve spoken about fear today. If you’re fearful about something it’s a completely normal reaction. The way we fear less though is by taking more action despite feeling fear.

By Jonny Pardoe

Podcast Host, Confidence & Podcast Coach and Author

E-mail: coaching@jonnypardoe.com

Instagram / Facebook / TikTok: @jonny.pardoe

LinkedIn: Jonny Pardoe

YouTube: youtube.com/c/JonnyPardoe

Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Anchor: The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset

Amazon: Jonny Pardoe

Website: jonnypardoe.com

The post Nobody is fearless but there are those who fear less appeared first on The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset.

How to feel awesome all the time…

CallumBW95 — Thu, 03 Mar 2022 00:08:07 +0000

Do you wish you could feel awesome all the time?

Someone asked me this the other day…

The answer is this… you can’t. I used to have that unrealistic expectation of myself!

We’re all human beings. I am, however, going to share a couple of points to get your psychology working for you.

What is psychology?

Psychology is the ongoing thought processes consciously and subconsciously in your mind. People talk about mindset. Mindset is more about your attitude towards something specific, but if you don’t have the right psychology to support it your mindset will struggle.

So here are a couple of pointers:

Sit with your feelings

If you don’t acknowledge bad feelings and the blockers they will only build up. So therefore try to find at least 5 minutes a day to sit in silence. I personally do a Gabby Bernstein meditation where I do breathing with spiritual guidance music and then write for 5 minutes after. It allows me to acknowledge my feelings and work through them.

Start looking at what makes you feel great

If you don’t acknowledge challenges you won’t allow yourself to release them, they will remain stored. So that’s the first part, the other part here is to start incorporating what makes you feel great. If you have a day full of things you hate, how do you expect to feel amazing the majority of the time? The mistake I see a lot and I’ve been there, is people will do things they think they ‘should’ do. Yet they don’t make them happier. List as many things that make you feel great and look to incorporate them into your routine. Do you still have to do the more challenging things? Well of course from time to time but make feeling good a priority.

Conclusion

Nobody can feel amazing 100% of the time. I used to expect and want that and got annoyed when that didn’t happen. Focus on feeling amazing but acknowledge it when you don’t feel so great and check in with yourself.

You got this!

Thank you for reading.

By Jonny Pardoe

Podcast Host, Confidence & Podcast Coach and Author

E-mail: coaching@jonnypardoe.com

Instagram / Facebook / TikTok: @jonny.pardoe

LinkedIn: Jonny Pardoe

YouTube: youtube.com/c/JonnyPardoe

Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Anchor: The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset

Amazon: Jonny Pardoe

Website: jonnypardoe.com

The post How to feel awesome all the time… appeared first on The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset.

A new approach to gratitude

CallumBW95 — Tue, 01 Mar 2022 19:29:58 +0000

Have you heard a load of people say ‘oh practice gratitude!’ ‘gratitude will make you feel better’ ‘you’ve got to be grateful’.

Whilst I agree gratitude is something I’d like to experience rather than envy, anger, jealousy or anything else, we don’t always get the guidance on it we need. I’ve been there listing or saying things like ‘I am grateful for water’ ‘I am grateful I have a roof over my head’ ‘I am grateful I have friends’ etc, it doesn’t always feel effective.

So today I wanted to share a way I’ve found useful, on transforming challenges around using a different frame.

Contrast frame
This is a concept I learned from Peter Sage in particular his book: The Inside Track. It’s when you may have a challenging situation but look at much worse alternatives and count your blessings for what you have now.
For example: someone saying ‘Work was frustrating today’, you’d then look at it like this:
‘Work was challenging but I am grateful to have a job as many don’t and this will develop my skill set long term’
Another example…‘The hot water has gone for today’ and then look at it like ‘I’m so blessed to have water in my life, many people don’t have clean water so I am grateful to have this’
In the book Peter is sent to prison for 6 months (ending from an unfortunate lose in a legal battle in court rather than a serious crime) he looks at it like ‘I am grateful to be given the opportunity to give my work to inmates who would never discover my work and I grateful I didn’t get a longer sentence’…. He was actually sent to one of the most violent prisons in the UK, he reports too.

So think… how can you look at your challenges (rather than the word problem) and be grateful in some way for them? Obviously a serious traumatic event may be a bit different (even then though longer term there is opportunity to grow) but a lot of challenges we blow out of proportion. So how can you put a different frame on challenges and be grateful?

Conclusion
At the end of the day, it isn’t for anyone to tell you what to do but you. Find what works for you. This is a method of gratitude that has really helped me and in some way hope can guide you.
Thank you for reading.

By Jonny Pardoe

Podcast Host, Confidence & Podcast Coach and Author

© The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset Ltd March 2022
E-mail: coaching@jonnypardoe.com
Instagram / Facebook / TikTok: @jonny.pardoe
LinkedIn: Jonny Pardoe
YouTube: youtube.com/c/JonnyPardoe
Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Anchor: The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset
Amazon: Jonny Pardoe
Website: jonnypardoe.com

The post A new approach to gratitude appeared first on The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset.

Where the real change comes from

CallumBW95 — Tue, 01 Mar 2022 00:25:09 +0000

Do you wonder why some people become more successful than others in other areas? Or that a well educated person can still be on a low income and or not live a fulfilled life? Perhaps you see a person in personal growth doing all the courses, getting all the books and not making much of a change?

I’ve been all of these!

Today I’m going to share where the real power is for growth…

Describing the difference of knowledge, action and activity. My aim is to make this simple, as human beings operate better on simplicity I’ve personally found.

Knowledge

This is when you learn something. Putting good quality information in your head is absolutely essential to feel good, grow and learn. We also pick up knowledge in education as well as self education.

The problem is… it is absolutely useless unless used. In traditional education it is used dominantly to pass exams and get qualifications to get jobs. Then for more advanced jobs you’ll of course need further training and education. I’ve been that route and there is nothing wrong with this, if your goal is to get certificates and a certain job.

In self education typically knowledge is used to better yourself in some area. This area does not improve unless knowledge is utilized though.

To quote Think and Grow Rich: ‘Knowledge is only potential power. It becomes power only when, and if, it is organized into definite plans of action, and directed to a definite end.’

Action

If you learn something and go out and do it. That’s one step further. You start to understand it on another level and may create a temporary change or result.

But is that enough? If you learned about the best workouts and meal plans and then went to the gym using it once and eat some great meals for the day. Would that hit your weight loss goals or energy goals?

No…..

Activity

This is doing an action again and again until the result. Now this is where the real power lies. So for example going to the gym and following meal plans until you hit your weight goal or energy goal. Of course it’s important to monitor as to what you’re doing is right or not too, that’s where an effective coach can help you.

Conclusion

When I learn something significant and life changing? I immediately think about how I can make this into an activity. So remember knowledge is not power it is only potential power.

By Jonny Pardoe

Podcast Host, Confidence & Podcast Coach and Author

E-mail: coaching@jonnypardoe.com

Instagram / Facebook / TikTok: @jonny.pardoe

LinkedIn: Jonny Pardoe

YouTube: youtube.com/c/JonnyPardoe

Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Anchor: The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset

Amazon: Jonny Pardoe

Website: jonnypardoe.com

The post Where the real change comes from appeared first on The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset.

How to have more control over your behaviour

CallumBW95 — Sat, 26 Feb 2022 22:24:30 +0000

Do you find yourself doing something that doesn’t serve you out of habit? Well you’re not alone, you and I and other human beings have all done it. It’s human nature.

Today I’m going to share a process I’ve put in place with you to help address this.

Why do we do certain behaviours automatically?
So I’m talking about instances when you’re bored and maybe distract yourself by reaching for your phone. You’re hungry and you go and eat something bad for you. You’re feeling lonely when you text someone you shouldn’t.
Then you regret the action later.
It’s because our brain is automating our behaviour to save energy. It also likes to get out of short term ‘pain’. Pain being emotions and feelings like boredom, loneliness, hunger so it looks for a quick fix and can become our default when repeated.

How can we solve this then?
It’s in what I call ‘magic moments’ these are the moments you notice yourself starting to get into the trigger and behaviour.
Then it’s not a case of cursing yourself for having that urge, but rather a praise of recognition. Then looking at a quick alternative.

Sound like a bit of work?
Well when we make changes to automated behaviour it can be at first, until the new behaviour is drilled into us from repeating. That’s why I like to make anything new one – two minutes.
I however have a small card to follow based on my triggers for undesirable behaviour.
So let’s go through the three columns to put on the card. After a while you won’t need to look at the card. Also make it as easy as possible, again the brain likes easy things to save energy.

Trigger / behaviour
This is column one. Write down all the triggers you get e.g bored so go reach for your phone on social media. E.g going to the chip shop down the road when hungry. I have five triggers and behaviours on my card at present.

Interrupt
This is the pattern interrupt. This is when you recognise it and celebrate yourself for recognising. It’s not dismissing you are feeling a way but acknowledging it, we don’t want to repress things. This interrupt middle stage is the same for all behaviours.

Alternative
Then write in the third column an alternative way to respond when the trigger in the first column comes up and the behaviour is about to start. E.g instead of going for the phone when bored you can get up and walk for 1 minute or meditate for 1 minute. You need another (but better behaviour to replace what you would have done).

Conclusion
So in order to change behaviours we have to become conscious of it. This only takes a minute or so. Notice the trigger / behaviour starting. Then praise yourself for recognising. Then do the alternative on the card. You may find it a bit of conscious work at first but it’s like anything the more you do it the more it becomes automatic. Making it simple to do though will increase rate of following through.

By Jonny Pardoe

Podcast Host, Confidence & Podcast Coach and Author

© The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset Ltd February 2022
E-mail: coaching@jonnypardoe.com
Instagram / Facebook / TikTok: @jonny.pardoe
LinkedIn: Jonny Pardoe
YouTube: youtube.com/c/JonnyPardoe
Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Anchor: The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset
Amazon: Jonny Pardoe
Website: jonnypardoe.com

The post How to have more control over your behaviour appeared first on The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset.

How to build stronger relationships with yourself and others

CallumBW95 — Fri, 25 Feb 2022 23:44:55 +0000

How do you build stronger relationships? Well I’d like to share something for me that has either weakened or strengthened my relationships with myself and others and that is….. Integrity.

What do I mean by integrity? For me this is about being honest and committing to what you say you will do in terms of priorities, whether that is to yourself or others.

I’ve been there many times in the past whereby I didn’t do what I said I would for myself and it made my relationship worse with me. I’ve also in the past admittedly (although not frequently) canceled on someone with no good reason. This weakened relationships. This isn’t about pleasing people, as you can say no to something you don’t want to do or can’t commit to in the first place.

The thing is though I never noticed that not having integrity with myself damaged the relationship with myself, but think about it? If you had a ‘friend’ who said they’d show up for a meal. They didn’t show up once. Then didn’t show up again. How many times would you stop letting them not show up before the relationship was lost or seriously on edge? It probably wouldn’t take too much depending on where you are.

However when we don’t follow up with integrity to ourselves this can damage us. No matter how small the task, when I keep putting something off I said I would do it to myself. I question my integrity.

It’s ok to step back and be honest and say ‘look realistically this just can’t be a priority now and I’ll reschedule next month’, this comes down to honesty.

So how can we improve our integrity?

Write down your top one – three things for the day and make sure you complete at least one. Make it easy to do but important to you.
Create a powerful identity statement for yourself that you want to be consistent with. Say it out loud and follow it up with action.
Learn to say no to someone if you think something is unrealistic, rather than later. This brings up honesty and integrity now.

Conclusion

Today I’ve shared one key thing I’ve learnt to create a strong relationship with yourself and others integrity. Showing up, being honest and following through on small commitments really will make or break those relationships. Remember to always show up for yourself like you would for someone else.

By Jonny Pardoe

Podcast Host, Confidence & Podcast Coach and Author

E-mail: coaching@jonnypardoe.com

Instagram / Facebook / TikTok: @jonny.pardoe

LinkedIn: Jonny Pardoe

YouTube: youtube.com/c/JonnyPardoe

Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Anchor: The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset

Amazon: Jonny Pardoe

Website: jonnypardoe.com

The post How to build stronger relationships with yourself and others appeared first on The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset.

My struggle with reality as a teenager

CallumBW95 — Thu, 24 Feb 2022 15:42:05 +0000

I would be sitting innocently in a class as a 13 year old. Nervous… scared. If it started again…. When IT…. would win… I was terrified to go to school… I felt I had no power over my mind. I’d cry about the thought of having to go in.

What was IT?

It was never fully diagnosed but speaking to a friend who went through something similar, the closest self diagnosis I was able to conclude from my situation was that I went through an undiagnosed case of derealisation.

Usually my blogs are quick shares of experience with solutions but today I felt the need to be a little bit more open as I go through some deeper work in my life. Currently I’m working through subconscious blocks and trauma in my life.

When we say trauma it doesn’t necessarily mean a huge amount of abuse, it can mean an event which triggered us to feel a certain way. It can be a huge rejection, a job lose or a terrifying moment. Trauma lives in our body. I’ve discovered mine in forms of tense shoulders and a clenching jaw to name a couple.

When I reflected back on my younger years of my life, although at 31 now I’d consider myself very young in life still, I came up with this painful series of experiences of self diagnosed derealisation.

I would feel scared, terrified and anxious. I would disassociate myself from being in certain times in my life, mainly the classroom at school when it was boring lol. It was beyond terrifying feeling like I was in a dream (or nightmare), that everyone and everything around me wasn’t real. I would pinch myself and clench my fists hard to attempt to not have a panic attack.

I remember a couple of times I would though. I would breathe heavily and leave the room. I was terrified and never felt so alone in my life.

What were the reactions from the school nurse and my parents?
They thought I was just tired and playing up…. I even went to the Doctor and they thought nothing of it. Just tiredness. I don’t think mental health challenges back in the early 2000s were as evident as they are now. The school nurse and my parents started to get irritated by me coming up with this challenge a few times. It’s not their fault it wasn’t clear what was up.

I just knew I felt very alone. Very scared and terrified. I was not very self aware in life then and didn’t know what was up.

How was it caused?
I don’t know. Perhaps some kind of unresolved trauma. I had been in a car crash and almost died at 11 years old, but hadn’t really processed that. I had lost a brother at 2 and a half years old, a grandad just before that and a grandma at 7 when I never fully processed it either.

There are lots of levels deeper I’m prepared to go. It’s not easy when your brain hides things for you, but I know that when I uncover something and share it, I feel a sense of freedom and can grow even more.

So how did I overcome it?
I kept my head up, continued to battle the fear of having a panic attack feeling like I wasn’t in reality. I started to focus on other good things in life. Eventually I didn’t have these episodes anymore. I’d definitely recommend to anyone in this day and age to share and get help as the root cause needs to be explored as trauma and stress came up in other areas in my life which I’ll share in another blog.

I feel the healthiest approach in my life for me has to move forward to go for what I want, but also become self aware and look at any wounds I may be carrying. I’ve not been as good at the latter but it’s something I’m committed to now.

Conclusion

This has been my share of my struggle with reality as a teenager. I hope by writing this someone can relate to my story to help them understand they are not alone. Trauma can spring up in many ways, but self awareness and deep work can really set us free. I’ll continue to do some more deep work and share my experiences.

Thank you for reading.

By Jonny Pardoe

Podcast Host, Confidence & Podcast Coach and Author

The post My struggle with reality as a teenager appeared first on The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset.

Do you get frustrated with outcomes or others?

CallumBW95 — Wed, 23 Feb 2022 23:00:19 +0000

A lot of people I’ve coached and worked with have been challenged with this at the start. I have too and have to catch myself out for it. Getting frustrated at what I can’t control.

Maybe you can relate? We’re all human after all. Well in today’s blog I’m going to share a couple of tips on how to approach this.

Visually draw it out to see
When things get put on paper it takes a lot of the stress away right?
Well divide your list into three categories and look at how you are processing the situations you have a challenging time dealing with.
What you can control e.g your response, actions and behaviour
What you can influence e.g turning up prepared for an interview or sharing a message you’ve prepared
What you can’t control e.g the outcome and other people’s actions
Then you’ve got something to look at and remind yourself of it on a regular process.

Ask yourself ‘what is this teaching me’?
In life we can see things as ‘happening to me’ or ‘happening for me’. Now although there are a number of really bad scenarios in life there are some extremely inspirational examples from humanity of people going through hell and coming out strong and inspiring others.
For example just look at people like Tony Robbins or Oprah Winfrey and look up their back stories.
It’s not to say you shouldn’t feel frustrated, angry, griefing or negative emotions. We need to process them but to stay in a state of victim mentality all the time… well would it do anyone any good?
Instead there comes a time to ask ‘what is this teaching me?’ and ‘how can I use it to inspire or help others?’

Conclusion

Getting frustrated, down or angry about certain situations or others in life is normal and processing it is needed. However when we become too much in victim mode or focused on what we can’t control then life becomes a challenge. Choose your way today.

By Jonny Pardoe

Podcast Host, Confidence & Podcast Coach and Author

The post Do you get frustrated with outcomes or others? appeared first on The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset.

Three key things I’ve learned from self development

CallumBW95 — Tue, 22 Feb 2022 18:31:29 +0000

Following my recent podcast episode with Anton Pavlovsky, CEO of the Headway self development app. I wanted to share three things that I’ve learned on my self development journey that maybe you can relate to.

Know your outcome

It is critical to always know why you are doing something. In this day and age we get caught up with so many ‘to dos’. Everybody is always busy. Instead of asking ‘what do I have to do?’ ask yourself ‘what do I want?’

Then allow your activities to follow accordingly. Otherwise life isn’t as fulfilling at the end of the day or week and you may risk burnout chasing those endless ‘to dos’

Role model people you should be role modeling

This sounds so simple and obvious but it’s a mistake so many people make.

People love to give their opinion, and whilst there is a degree of flexibility to make friends with people and network, the wrong advice can be worse than no advice.

Pay attention to who you are role modeling.

For example don’t take financial advice off your broke friend. Don’t take relationship advice off your consistently single friend. Don’t take business advice from that relative who has never started a business in their life.

As the quote from Jim Rohn goes ‘Success leaves clues’. You don’t need to or should ever become someone you’re not but you can learn from those who are further along in the journey than you.

What do they believe? What do they do? How do they act?

Your subconscious mind is always open and listening

Ever had a turn around one day and thought ‘wow! I feel a big difference from a couple of months back’. The flip side can also be ‘why am I self sabotaging constantly??’

We are driven by our subconscious mind more dominantly than what we are just consciously paying attention to. A lot of what is stored there was made in the early years of life when we were children. However, what you also consume on a consistent basis will also create a powerful message to store there and also has the power to change those beliefs from childhood… both in good and bad ways.

If you are listening to fear led information like the news for example, consistently you will more likely live that kind of stressful and anxious based life. If however you like to consume high quality podcasts and books. Then guess what? That’s also going to create a strong set of beliefs in the back of the mind.

Consciously you have the power to choose when you stop to take a moment to reflect on your habits.

Conclusion

Self development for me is a non negotiable. As human beings we are always growing, there is no end point until the end of our lives and even then various views. Being clear on what you want, role modeling the right people and being conscious of the information consumed on a regular basis is something that has made a huge impact in my life.

By Jonny Pardoe

Podcast Host, Confidence & Podcast Coach and Author

E-mail: coaching@jonnypardoe.com

Instagram / Facebook / TikTok: @jonny.pardoe

LinkedIn: Jonny Pardoe

YouTube: youtube.com/c/JonnyPardoe

Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Anchor: The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset

Amazon: Jonny Pardoe

Website: jonnypardoe.com

The post Three key things I’ve learned from self development appeared first on The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset.