First, to just mention… you’ll notice this blog follows last week’s monthly blog for March. So soon! This is because I’ve now increased my blog posting content. Why… it’s because I realised that it’s something that people value and I enjoy doing it and so therefore it is something worth spending time on. I will now be delivering weekly blogs.

So welcome back to my blog… I’ve been cracking on with so much content recently and have been so absorbed in my own world that at times I’ve forgotten what’s going on around me. A great feeling! Although I still do find it vital to take 10 minutes out for myself to listen to what’s going on in my head: something that I’ll go into shortly.

By the end of the blog today, I want to cover three things…

● Why self-awareness is important
● How it’s helped me
● How to practice self-awareness through meditation

Why is self-awareness important?
When we become self-aware, we realise what is good for us and what is bad for us. It helps us to understand what has held us back and what might have worked. This is why regular self-reflection is so important. Of course, just realising what is good and bad for us alone will only go so far, before we actually have to take action. However, developing the foundation and understanding our feelings, behaviours and habits is going to help us to manage those realisations.
Then to be happy, to grow, to feel good about ourselves, we want to do the things that support us to move forward. These are all different from individual to individual, though and so something that makes me feel good, may not make you feel good.

How self-awareness has helped me
A couple of years ago up until several months ago, I swung between feeling up and down. I’ve mentioned this in previous content, but my point today is that I didn’t understand it and wasn’t aware of what was happening. I didn’t understand why, when I had great friends, a great family, a great job, was fit and healthy, playing for a great football team and experiencing lots of other positives, that I was feeling down. It was really a lack of self-awareness.

Luckily, through the personal growth world, I was constantly picking up and learning new things, one of which was self-awareness. I was able to learn and acquire some new practices. I came to the realisation that living in the future most of the time: the ‘when I’ve made it’ or ‘when I’m good enough’, was where I was living. I was practising habits such as looking at too much social media, having heavy nights out and constantly daydreaming.
When I came to practices such as meditation, improved diet, improved workouts and a focus on what I could do each day, the quality of my well-being and of being present, increased dramatically.
Now… I am still not 100% spot on with all my habits. I still have bad habits such as daydreaming or having the odd crazy night out but now, I can acknowledge when I am in a bad state, what has caused it and what I need to do to improve my state. I don’t beat myself up when I have reverted to a bad habit but instead, I just adjust my habits and actions.

How to practice self-awareness through meditation

This is a key exercise that I was given by my coach and mentor into self-awareness. So, here are the instructions

1. Find a quiet place and sit on the floor or chair upright.
2. Put a timer on for a minimum of 10 minutes and ask
a. What am I feeling and what caused this?
b. How do I want to feel? (The FEELING and not the outcome or result)
c. What does my instinct tell me and what am I in control of?
3. Do NOT be afraid to let you emotions out (this can provide some relief) and write down any findings

Sounds like a lot of work? Well maybe not now but maybe in time, you will find that it is. That’s ok and perfectly normal but when I’ve found myself saying this, then I ask:
“Well this is 10 minutes to make me feel better. Isn’t it worth investing this time to do so, rather than waste it on my phone or social media?”

Conclusion

Self awareness really is a priority in my life and I hope that you find this in yours too. This simple meditation practice can, over time, help you to open up your mind and understand yourself better. Then when you’ve understood what you need to do, make sure you TAKE action.

You can find the latest Podcast of this HERE

You can find the latest YouTube video of this HERE

Jonny Pardoe © March 2020
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This blog is much later in the month than I had planned, mainly due to my recent holiday in Greece. There, I visited the islands of Mykonos, Paros, Ios and Santorini: amazingly beautiful islands that I would highly recommend.

Whilst there, I took part in a range of activities such as sight-seeing, kayaking, sampling the local night life, sunbathing and much more. For me it was a challenge to keep to a vegan diet, and in a lot of instances, I had to opt for vegetarian meals instead.

I spent quite a lot of time reading, either by the pool or by the sea, something I love doing. I could see many people pursuing a variety of activities too and clearly enjoying themselves, which brings me onto today’s topic: being happy is not a one size fits all approach.

Today I am going to talk about how happiness affects us all in different ways, in the goals that we have and in the ways in which we choose to enjoy ourselves and to relax. Then I will suggest how we should not necessarily follow what others think we should do to be happy.

Different people find happiness in different ways

Do we all want to be lawyers? No.

Do we all want to be builders? No.

Do we all want to be professional athletes? No.

You can probably get my drift from this…

If you asked a bunch of young kids what they want to be when they are older, you would probably get a dozen different answers. They would all have different ambitions. Everyone is different (although obviously some may want to work in similar areas).

It is vital to find what is important to you and what makes YOU happy. Unfortunately, as we get older, a common tendency is to slip into some ‘safe’ career path that we think may be good for us as it’s a safer option. What may have been once was our dream, may no longer be realistic. What makes you happy though, is not going to be the necessarily easy or safe route, but it may be the right one for you.

The ‘what you want’ and ‘why you want it’, should be personal to you. Not because it’s what we think would look good in front of others, not because a friend or family member has that job and not because it might make you ‘rich and famous’. What you want should be personal to you, and for your own happiness.

For instance, in my case, I like to write, not because there could be potential money involved (there are plenty of careers for that) but because I love to express myself through fiction or non-fiction and share what I feel with others. This makes me happy. This is different from other people whom I know, such as those who are teachers and who genuinely love to help young individuals to develop (or various other reasons for teaching).

Think about the underlying reason you want to do something and why it makes you happy before you start pursuing it. If you are doing something and realise it’s not what makes you happy, stop and think why. You can always change. Do it for you.

Different people relax in different ways

Going back to my introduction about being on holiday, different people find different ways to enjoy themselves or to relax. For example, different people like different types of holiday. Some people may just like to lie on the beach, some may like sight- seeing, some like hiking, some may like to party all day long, and some may like to do a mixture of the above or other activities. We are all different.

This does not just apply to going on holiday but perhaps to weekends or weekday evenings too (or to your free time depending when you work). Take my favourite for example, which is to go out on a Saturday night and socialise, whereas some people may prefer to chill in front of the TV, read a book, go out for a meal or something else. Once more, there is no one size fits all. You should not worry if what someone else likes doing on a Saturday night, doesn’t feel right for you; we are all different. Yes, if you are in a relationship or good mates with someone, you may have to make some compromise, but when you can, do what feels good for you.

My form of relaxation, for example, may feel like ‘work’ for some. I’m not generally good at sitting around watching TV; instead I like to read personal development books, go for long walks or do a bit of cardio exercise. I have mates who are the opposite to this and who like to lounge in front of the X-Box or TV; this suits them and keeps them happy.

Don’t be trapped by following what other people think ‘should’ make you happy or what is expected by society of you

I’ve touched on this a little so far but now I am going to talk about other views which may impact on your happiness, or may make you think certain things are expected of you. As I say, what makes people happy differs from person to person, but often in a busy and opinionated world of social media, we let other views impact on what we think is best for us, rather than finding out what is genuinely best for us.

An example of this is the ‘when are you going to get married and or have kids question’. For some people settling down with a family earlier in life is what they want, and that’s fantastic. I am pleased for them. Yet for other people, they may not want to get married or have kids until they are a bit older or perhaps not at all. All are different wants and all individual to the particular person. Yet some people feel pressure put on them for things they don’t want.

Another example is ‘you should pursue a career path in that, it may suit you’. Again, if that is something you want, then brilliant but if it’s not, don’t feel the pressure to go after something that you don’t really want. I remember for myself that someone said I would make a good teacher; although I liked working with young individuals, I didn’t want to go down that path. My drive for creating content and messages to share with people on a wider scale rather than teaching a syllabus, did not fit into that particular career.

You should genuinely ask yourself what you want and aim for that. Don’t let someone else tell you what to do or what not to do. Listening to yourself and caring for yourself are two of the strongest forms of self-love and as a result, happiness.

You may change what you like or what makes you happy

The final area to discuss is what once made you happy may no longer make you happy. Think back to when you were five years old, then as a young teenager and finally to the present day (depending on your age), did you always want the same things? You may answer ‘yes’ to some things but there’s a high chance that in many areas, you may say ‘no’.

This is because our wants, change as we grow older. Even what we wanted a year ago, a few months ago or even a month ago, can differ from what we want in life now.

I’ll use myself as an example:

• When I was a five-year-old kid, I loved writing scripts for imaginary films, video games and stories
• When I was a teenager, I wanted to be a footballer
• Then in my late teens / early twenties I didn’t know, I just embraced life as I went through uni and into my first job
• Then in my mid-twenties, I started to discover my passion for writing

The point is that you shouldn’t worry if what you want, changes, this is perfectly natural. It just comes down to the question ‘what do you want and why?’, then ‘what are the next steps or what can I do to follow that?”

In summary

Being happy in what you want out of life, is not a one size fits all approach. Everyone’s purpose and goals are different, and so don’t think that you should go down a certain path or do something that is ‘expected of you’. Understand what you want to do in life and why. Similarly, in enjoying yourself and relaxing, do what is personal to you; you may not be one for lying around on a sunbed or going on a bar crawl like others do.

The final point is that what you may once have enjoyed, may not suit you anymore. We change as we grow, and this is inevitable. If you are following a path or pursuing activities that you once enjoyed but no longer do so, this will not be beneficial to you. Find something that truly makes you happy and that is personal to you.

Jonny Pardoe

Jonny Pardoe © July 2019

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In line with Mental Health Awareness Month in the USA and the upcoming Mental Awareness Week in the UK later in May, I felt that it was the right time to talk about self-love, my own experiences and what I have learnt from it. Self-love is something with which many, many people struggle, and this can especially have a huge impact on mental health. I hope what I write today on self-love provides a useful guide, so that people think in a different way, leading to them having happier, more fulfilling and purposeful lives.

“Not good enough!”

“I’m pathetic”

“Come on!”

Recognise some of these terms? It’s very likely you have said such things to yourself. I know that I certainly have!

The voice in our heads

There is a voice in our heads that comes at us when things don’t go the way we want them to, and immediately we feel down. It’s the voice that tells us we need to be doing better and we are not worthy as we are. This is the voice that is very aggressive and domineering.

In fact, it’s not until the last year or so that I’ve begun to get to grips with the skill of self-love.  Like a lot of things that I talk about, self-love requires practice.  Again, it’s like exercising a muscle in the gym, where you learn what to do and then practise. I’ve spent many years reading books but only in the past year, have I been reading specifically about self-love. I still have a long way to go and there are days when it’s harder than others, but when I feel real love for myself, those days are so fulfilling and happy.

The importance of self-love

If I could go back in time and tell my younger self one thing, it would be to really focus on loving myself. When I say self-love, I do not mean trying to appear confident or cocky in front of people, I mean a genuine sense of acceptance, appreciation, respect and value of yourself. It is so important to love yourself as YOU ARE YOU; there’s no escaping that. It’s not like a horrible ‘friend’, who is treating you badly and from whom you just walk away.

On that note, people will often try and seek happiness from others; now, it is important to note that self-love IS NOT SELFISH, it’s about allowing yourself to be who you really want to be. When we seek happiness from an external source, this can be a very dangerous game to play. This is because we can’t control others, but we can control our own thoughts, decisions and actions. Please also note that self-love is not about being alone either, although I have found that it is about being comfortable when you are alone. When you love yourself, you will want to spend time with the right people and give something to others. You will not tolerate people who don’t respect you, as you know you deserve better.

Top tips for self-love:

As I have mentioned, self-love is a skill that you can develop. Don’t try to force it, just try and work towards it and naturally it will come. This is what I’ve found. Here are some top tips that I have found have helped me to increase my self-love:

Praise yourself when you achieve something

When we achieve something, we feel great and can see that progress has been made. As human beings though, we are often so quick to dismiss this. Try, instead, to let the achievement or progress sink in. My suggestion is to note down the good points from each day, on a daily basis, no matter how small you think the achievement may be.

Not dismissing compliments or praise

When someone compliments us, there is often a response from ourselves, such as ‘Yeah but it wasn’t me it was more…’, ‘I didn’t do that great, but thanks’ or ‘Ah, thanks but I don’t think so’

NO!

You are getting a compliment or some praise for a reason! Let that sink in and say thank you.

When things go wrong, comfort yourself as you would a friend

Life will inevitably throw up challenges and setbacks, but don’t put that frustration on to yourself. Chances are that it is not your fault (even if you think it is), and even if it is, don’t worry about it! You can only learn. You are a human being (nobody is perfect).

In these instances, think of how you would comfort an upset friend or an upset child. You wouldn’t shout ‘COME ON, YOU HAVE TO DO BETTER, YOU LOSER!’…. well I hope you wouldn’t, anyway. So why shout these things to yourself? Instead, be kinder and say things, such as ‘Don’t worry about it, it will get better next time. You are doing great as you are’.

Listen to your body and emotions

If your body is screaming out that it is tired, or that you feel frustrated / annoyed / overwhelmed etc, don’t ignore it! It’s a message from yourself to indicate that something isn’t right. By ignoring these calls, you are not looking after yourself or giving yourself any love. When a family member is sick or very tired, you would tell them to rest, so do this for yourself.

Find time to relax and to have fun

This is probably still my greatest challenge; I have to admit! When I do find time for a little bit more ‘me’ time, I find myself feeling happier after all the work I do. Yes, we have to put in effort to achieve our goals and dreams, but you also need to reward yourself. By scheduling in time to chill out, you are rewarding yourself and treating yourself with the self-love that you deserve. You may argue ‘I don’t have time’. I would respond that by saying that there is always time for the most important things ,and one of the most important things you should give yourself is the time to relax.

Love letters!

No, I don’t mean writing to somebody you fancy, I mean writing to yourself. When we put into words how much we love ourselves, we are consciously picking out the great things about ourselves, in turn allowing us to love ourselves that little bit more. If you make a regular habit of writing a short letter to yourself (perhaps as part of your daily journal) then you will be able to identify more great things about yourself and more reasons for self-love.

You need to continue to practise such things, even when you think that you’ve reached a high level of self-love. Like any skill, you need to keep practising in order to both maintain and increase that love for yourself. This is just as the world’s top athletes would do in their field.

In summary

Self-love is one of the most essential things to focus on in life. You are you, so why try and run away from that? Self-love will help you to live a happier life. It’s not something that will happen naturally overnight but with practice, your skills will grow. Find time to really work on self-love as a priority in your life. I wish you all the best self-love and happiness that you can find.

Jonny Pardoe

Jonny Pardoe © May 2019

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There are a lot of opinions about the school system today. I found the school system a useful means of gaining qualifications so that I could gain my first jobs. I am grateful to my schools and universities for this as these places taught me the value of hard work, in particular. However, how I have really managed to change my life and to my direction in life, is through self-education. Self-education allows you to explore areas that really appeal to you and to help you grow in an area.

Self-education allows you to really focus on what is important to you and to develop as a person. When you find your passion or an area that appeals to you, you can then educate yourself in that field. Self-education combined with action, can help you become a master in that domain.

If you don’t know what your passion or main purpose is, then self-education can actually help you find that too. There are plenty of sources of information both online and in books that can help you start to identify your passion. All you have to do these days is Google it or search for topics on Amazon.

Self-education does not just come in the form of books as I have mentioned, there are YouTube videos, online articles, Podcasts and many more forms of information. We have information which is easily accessible to us these days. So, the opportunity to self-educate and to help us develop is stronger than ever.

So, in summary, use the information which is out there to discover what your interest is and what truly matters to you. You can then educate yourself on that topic as well as taking continuous action. The simple equation: knowledge + action = you becoming stronger in an area.

Jonny Pardoe

Jonny Pardoe © April 2019

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Today’s blog is going to focus on being truthful to yourself. When I say this, I mean specifically following what you love and enjoy, not following something that is no use to you any longer, even if it used to be once.

This could take the form of a job or a hobby. For example, you may have once loved swimming, being something that you’ve done for years but actually, it’s not as enjoyable as you now find running. Alternatively, you may have progressed up a career path, and although you may have had promotions and qualifications along the way, you find that you no longer enjoy that path.

In those examples, as well as many others, people will tend to continue to pursue those avenues and try to convince themselves that they should carry on along the same lines. This will not serve any good purpose and ultimately will make you unhappy. My advice on this would be: listen to your heart in regards what you really want, and don’t get confused by your head.   There is also the idea that you should pursue something because you think that is what other people may want. This comes down to pleasing people and a fear of saying ‘no’. This may be because people think you would be good following a certain career path but actually on reflection, this doesn’t appeal to you at all.  So again, trust what you feel, communicate that back to yourself, as well as to others.

Jonny Pardoe

Jonny Pardoe © March 2019

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Meditation: This is the ability to pause and observe the present moment and what is happening in you. This does not mean fighting off other thoughts but acknowledging them and seeing what is happening with your mind and body at that moment. This could take the form of breathing, scanning your body or simply observing things around you on a walk.

For meditation, this could mean a short practice beginning with a few minutes a day. maybe a couple of times per day. Personally, I find it works best when I do short spells of meditation, two or three times a day. It may seem like a difficult habit to develop at first but once you do regularly you will definitely see psychological and life benefits.

Gratitude: This is appreciating what you have, rather than what you don’t have. It can be really useful in preventing you from falling into the trap of always chasing something you don’t have yet, which inevitably will lead to more unhappiness. There is always something you can be grateful for, whether it’s the ability to walk, the ability to see, your family, your friends or a warm home. When we focus on what we have, rather than what we don’t, it increases positive feelings and therefore a better well-being.

Both of these areas really only take five minutes at a time: a small portion of anyone’s day. However, practising these areas regularly and fitting them into your routine, is vital. There is always time for the most important things and one of the, if not THE most important thing in life is to be happy.

Jonny Pardoe

Jonny Pardoe © January 2019

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