External validation is dangerous. External validation takes away control of your own life. I do not want this for you, and I don’t want this for me. It’s not saying everyone else is bad but rather it creates the reliance on something out of your control, to be happy. Why not take this control back?

My struggle with external validation

Now before I start, I’m going to be honest: I am no angel by any means. Of course, naturally, I will look at how many books I’ve sold, how many people like my social media posts or who is texting me this week. As someone who is a growing Coach, Author, YouTuber and Podcaster, of course I am going to do this. Yet I’ve learnt that it is better to use this as feedback for what is and isn’t working, rather than relying on it for my enjoyment and satisfaction out of life.

I used to be so reliant on results for dictating my life. My struggle in Amazon book sales when I first started publishing books, my likes on social media as an older teenager, my expectations of receiving text replies from a girl I was dating, all used to take a large amount of control over how I felt. It was ok when things were going well but when they weren’t, I felt awful and worthless.

So instead, over time, I decided that the only approval I needed was self-approval. I know I’m not the only man or person who struggles with external validation though, whether it’s ‘I need to find the romantic partner to like me’, ‘I need more likes’ or indeed any kind of validation at all.

External validation during coronavirus

You would think that the need for this might be reduced, as we are in our own homes. However, as we all know, technology and social media are all around us; after all, we most of us still have our phones and the internet in our homes. In fact, we are probably relying more on social media and technology now, as we can’t go out and physically interact with people as much. Although I would hope that you are not the type of person who spends much time on their phone when with others anyway…

So, here are my top three tips that have helped me to reduce external validation.

Top 3 external validation destroyers

Reduction in social media and/ or texts
Looking at your phone can play a major role in external validation. So stop…Simple!
…..Ok, or maybe not look at it as much. The problem is we become addicted to our phones, and research shows we get dopamine hits when we get likes or texts. Therefore, cut down rather than stop completely, as then we are more likely to maintain this reduction rather than give up completely.

Go for a walk without your phone or music. Just enjoy nature.
I’ve found this so relaxing. Sometimes I am so tuned into music, podcasts or checking my phone that I don’t focus on the present and what is around me. When I started to go for walks and runs without anything, I found it so relaxing. I am focused on being present, rather than thinking about everything and everybody else. Just a 20-30 min walk each day can do you the world of good.

Find something you genuinely enjoy
Not something that will make you look good to others. Something in which you can lose yourself. It may be something creative or it may not be. When I write a book, I fall into that world and forget about everything else around me. I don’t care about what others think or how good it will look. It doesn’t have to be something amazingly productive. It can be anything that you love such as reading a book, learning something new or even watching a film you enjoy.

Conclusion
External validation is something very common for us all. It becomes dangerous when we get too addicted to it though, as it’s something out of our control, dictating our happiness. Instead, bring the focus back to you. There are some simple quick tips to help you to do this: focus on feeling good and on being you.

Jonny Pardoe © April 2020
http://example.com
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I’m writing this in sunny Devon as I prepare for both my counselling and coaching sessions coming up this week. As always, I never talk about things that  I don’t do myself and so  the aim of this blog is to provide you with some insight into what both will give you and then to allow you to choose which may be best for you.

First of all… what’s your challenge and what change do you want to see happen? Think about that first of all. It may not be as simple or straightforward as you think and so spend some time thinking about and then writing that one down. Then from that and from my information on counselling and coaching, hopefully you will be clearer on which direction to take.

Counselling 

Both counselling and coaching are about self-awareness. Counselling, however, looks at the reasons why you are feeling like you do, behaving in the way that you do and the actions / habits you take. It will look at your past and see how that has influenced you. The counsellor is not there to tell you what to do, although they may provide advice or unbiased observations from time to time; instead, they are there to help you uncover more about yourself. They are a skilled professional who knows how to steer the conversation to help you uncover more about yourself than you may have realised. As I touched on in my previous blog, once you become more self-aware, you then have a stronger foundation from which to take action.

Coaching

This, on the other hand, helps you to understand what you want and how to get there. Coaching may briefly touch on what has happened to date but is more concerned with focusing on what needs to happen with you from now onwards. The coach will be an unbiased individual who is there to facilitate a conversation or a session, allowing you to uncover the answers for yourself. They are skilled individuals, asking questions and shaping the session to help you; they do not give advice but empower you to reach your goal. This goal is explored, options are generated and then simple action plans are considered before the end of the session.

My experience

Counselling has really helped me to understand my low self-esteem issues, which, I discovered, were caused by experiences in my early life. I felt the need to please people and could never see myself as good enough. I had ups and downs for years but when I often returned to a place of low self-esteem, I never knew why. I then realised it was time to start applying habits that could promote a good self-esteem, such as positive self-talk and looking after myself more.

Coaching helped me to have a proper understanding of what I wanted and why. A couple of years ago, I thought that I wanted to be just an author but now I write, I speak, I coach and much more. I have discovered how much I want to express myself and share with everyone else. My coach asked me questions to help me realise this. In addition, I have simple actions which I look forward to completing consistently on a regular basis.

I use both to compliment each other.

Interested in stepping up and finding the more amazing version of yourself through life coaching?

Sounds like something that would help you to move forward in life? Finding that one magical thing that makes you feel alive? I offer coaching. To find out more about this, have a look at my coaching page

https://http://example.com/conquer-your-life-with-coaching/

Or ping me an e-mail

coaching@http://example.com

Conclusion

Counselling and coaching both provide invaluable self-awareness benefits. It depends on what you are looking for and what you want for your well-being or your personal growth. It may be that both are useful, just as they are for me. Have a think about yourself after and then decide. If you want to discuss either further, you can also drop me a message using the e-mail above.

You can find this YouTube video HERE

You can find this Podcast HERE

Jonny Pardoe © April 2020

http://example.com

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Jonny Pardoe

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First, to just mention… you’ll notice this blog follows last week’s monthly blog for March. So soon! This is because I’ve now increased my blog posting content. Why… it’s because I realised that it’s something that people value and I enjoy doing it and so therefore it is something worth spending time on. I will now be delivering weekly blogs.

So welcome back to my blog… I’ve been cracking on with so much content recently and have been so absorbed in my own world that at times I’ve forgotten what’s going on around me. A great feeling! Although I still do find it vital to take 10 minutes out for myself to listen to what’s going on in my head: something that I’ll go into shortly.

By the end of the blog today, I want to cover three things…

● Why self-awareness is important
● How it’s helped me
● How to practice self-awareness through meditation

Why is self-awareness important?
When we become self-aware, we realise what is good for us and what is bad for us. It helps us to understand what has held us back and what might have worked. This is why regular self-reflection is so important. Of course, just realising what is good and bad for us alone will only go so far, before we actually have to take action. However, developing the foundation and understanding our feelings, behaviours and habits is going to help us to manage those realisations.
Then to be happy, to grow, to feel good about ourselves, we want to do the things that support us to move forward. These are all different from individual to individual, though and so something that makes me feel good, may not make you feel good.

How self-awareness has helped me
A couple of years ago up until several months ago, I swung between feeling up and down. I’ve mentioned this in previous content, but my point today is that I didn’t understand it and wasn’t aware of what was happening. I didn’t understand why, when I had great friends, a great family, a great job, was fit and healthy, playing for a great football team and experiencing lots of other positives, that I was feeling down. It was really a lack of self-awareness.

Luckily, through the personal growth world, I was constantly picking up and learning new things, one of which was self-awareness. I was able to learn and acquire some new practices. I came to the realisation that living in the future most of the time: the ‘when I’ve made it’ or ‘when I’m good enough’, was where I was living. I was practising habits such as looking at too much social media, having heavy nights out and constantly daydreaming.
When I came to practices such as meditation, improved diet, improved workouts and a focus on what I could do each day, the quality of my well-being and of being present, increased dramatically.
Now… I am still not 100% spot on with all my habits. I still have bad habits such as daydreaming or having the odd crazy night out but now, I can acknowledge when I am in a bad state, what has caused it and what I need to do to improve my state. I don’t beat myself up when I have reverted to a bad habit but instead, I just adjust my habits and actions.

How to practice self-awareness through meditation

This is a key exercise that I was given by my coach and mentor into self-awareness. So, here are the instructions

1. Find a quiet place and sit on the floor or chair upright.
2. Put a timer on for a minimum of 10 minutes and ask
a. What am I feeling and what caused this?
b. How do I want to feel? (The FEELING and not the outcome or result)
c. What does my instinct tell me and what am I in control of?
3. Do NOT be afraid to let you emotions out (this can provide some relief) and write down any findings

Sounds like a lot of work? Well maybe not now but maybe in time, you will find that it is. That’s ok and perfectly normal but when I’ve found myself saying this, then I ask:
“Well this is 10 minutes to make me feel better. Isn’t it worth investing this time to do so, rather than waste it on my phone or social media?”

Conclusion

Self awareness really is a priority in my life and I hope that you find this in yours too. This simple meditation practice can, over time, help you to open up your mind and understand yourself better. Then when you’ve understood what you need to do, make sure you TAKE action.

You can find the latest Podcast of this HERE

You can find the latest YouTube video of this HERE

Jonny Pardoe © March 2020
http://example.com
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The post Self Awareness Meditation to Value Yourself appeared first on The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset.

Then it made me think about the challenges I’ve faced and how easy they look now—and how much they’ve made me grow.

You can’t avoid setbacks or mistakes

Setbacks in life; can we avoid them? Mistakes – can we avoid these? Will life flow smoothly all the time? Nope to all of these.

We can, however, reduce the number of likely setbacks and mistakes in life, and when I say that, it does sound appealing to do this …

The way to do this is to never push yourself towards your goals, never come out of your comfort zone, never grow—and stay still. Obviously, that kind of life is never going to change us.

When we do push for greater things, the number of setbacks and mistakes will increase, so this can be seen as a starter for greatness. It’s all about perspective.

Whether I’ve got promoted, got a better job, started my writing, started speaking, started my coaching career, been out dating I have always found that more setbacks came as I pushed myself toward new things and goals. Yet when I’ve overcome those setbacks, I’ve found that I’ve grown so much more and things that seemed so daunting once are not so daunting anymore.

Now, there will be some setbacks worse than others, and like any human, I’ve experienced this. I would like to emphasise that I am not saying ‘get over it’ and on to the next challenge.

What I’ve learned from setbacks

So, I’ve thought about all the positives and summarised what I’ve learned from setbacks into my top three things:

Path to something better

When something hasn’t worked out, it can sometimes be for the best. So, whether that is missing out on the job you thought you ’needed’ or dating the person you thought you ‘wanted’, the same applies.

I believe now that if it’s not meant to be, it’s not meant to be. A setback sometimes is teaching you that it’s not the right thing for you. Use your judgement, though, as to whether something is not right for you or something you really want and need to pursue.

For example, if you get rejected by a date, it’s better to try find someone else. Pursuing someone who doesn’t have the same interest in you is pointless and a waste of energy. This gives you an opportunity to work on yourself and find someone more suited.

If you miss out on a job, that one may have not been right for you either. However, you might love the career you are following, so don’t give up on it; it’s just a chance to work on yourself and when the right opportunity presents itself, you can go for it.

More about myself

When I’ve had setbacks, it’s helped me learn more about myself. It’s helped me learn how strong I am and what I’ve really wanted. It’s helped me learn about the skills I do have.

For example, when I went through a number of job interview rejections, it taught me how to really utilise some of my presentation skills I wouldn’t otherwise have realised I had. I learned how to present myself along the way and express myself.

How to turn a negative into positive action

I’ve learned how to change a negative into a positive. I learned that although getting out the frustration and disappointment is needed in the short term; it does not help to dwell on it and fall victim to my own life.

Therefore, by getting my brain to focus on next steps, it has helped me think more positively and action-focused going forward. This is a key skill for life as we don’t improve by what we think—but rather, by what actions we take.

Ok, Jonny – all well and good, but you’re quite a positive person. Some of us aren’t as positive, so how do we change this and react more positively to setbacks?

I am not just a naturally positive person; that’s the truth. I have had to work hard at improving my mindset to turn things around. That is probably the case for many people you see around you, the ones who always seem to have a smile on their faces no matter what.

You have no idea how hard these people have worked to become more positive and more proactive about improving their mindsets.

The reality is, I work on my own positive actions every single day! It’s a practice and habit. It’s like anything else.

We don’t get into good shape without doing exercise and eating well. We don’t become a good singer, without singing. We don’t become confident, without doing confident things.

WE DON’T BECOME POSITIVE WITHOUT DOING POSITIVE REGULARLY.

You think it’s impossible to ‘do positive’ while feeling bad? Not so. This is something you can learn too.

I know that not everything is going to be smooth in life, and I won’t be in a good state all the time. I do also know that if I don’t set myself up with the right habits and practises for positivity, I will struggle even more against setbacks.

That is why I do things like meditation, exercise, eat well, socialise, and many other things to help me be in a better positive state. Anyone can do this though; we don’t have to be helpless and say, ‘oh I’m just not a very positive person’ or ‘why do bad things always happen to me?’

Believe me, if you think bad things are going to happen to you all the time, they will—because your mindset makes you very vulnerable.

Now, as I say, some setbacks I encounter are certainly harder than others, and some people will have way harder setbacks than I do. Note that I don’t claim to have ownership of anyone else’s setbacks—only my own. But I do have ownership of knowing yours don’t have to beat you down.

How do I know this?

Well, that’s simple. I’ve seen myriad examples of people out there who have had horrible setbacks and come out on top with their response. Two examples:

Keanu Reeves – just Google his history to see what he’s overcome to be the man he is today.

J.K Rowling – this top-selling global author was rejected by so many publishers, alongside a series of personal setbacks, before she became one of the most successful authors in the world. This is the lady who sat in coffee shops unable to afford a coffee, as she struggled to pen her manuscript!

How can you change around setbacks into a better life?

Here are just some of the positive, ‘take action’ steps YOU too can take—starting right now—to be the more positive person you wish to be.

Allow frustration or disappointment

Some things are going to take more time to get over. Don’t ever bottle anything up though; talk it out, scream into a pillow, do some intense exercise—and anything else that’s healthy, all in reason of course.

Ask what you have learned from this

Did this life lesson teach you more about what you want? Did it teach you more about you as a person? Note the good points and developments you’ve learned from a setback.

Ask what you can do next time

When we ask the brain a question, it will look for an answer. Once you’ve had time to get over something, ask yourself what you can do next. What actions can you apply to progress with your life? Take some of the learning into account too.

Look at what you do have and be grateful

Gratitude is something everyone overlooks, me included. When you take time to appreciate what you do have, though, it helps you feel better.

So, spend time writing down all the things you do have rather than those you don’t. It trains the brain to focus on the positives rather than looking for dangers or the negatives, which is its default mode.

I spend a few minutes in the mornings, journaling my gratitude, for example.

Conclusion

Setbacks and challenges in life are inevitable, but respond to them with positive actions, and you are going to learn and grow.

This will just happen by default, too! That’s the really great news.

Go swimming every day, and you’ll become a better swimmer. Make more cookies, and the cookies will come out better. Respond positively to setbacks, and you will grow. It will have happened before you know it.

There will be times where setbacks and challenges are extremely hard, and it is ok to feel down or to feel frustrated. It’s natural, a part of ‘the human condition’.

The issue only becomes when you see yourself as a victim of life rather than learning from it, to become the stronger and greater version of you, the one you are capable of being.

Jonny Pardoe © February 2020

http://example.com

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The post How to Overcome it—to Grow in Your Life appeared first on The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset.

It’s weird to say that but I hope you all feel refreshed and ready for the year. I would say ‘ready to face your new goals’ but hopefully, you continually set goals for yourself, not just for January or the New Year.

As for me, I am very excited that my new book will be coming out at the end of this week: You Are More Than That will be available on Amazon from Sunday 26^th January. It’s a book on discovering your true purpose and living it, with five steps I outline, plus ideas, experiences and actions to help you live your most fulfilling life.

I’ve also recently been undergoing a challenge recently that’s called IronMind, a 60-day challenge created by Rob Dial, whereby each day you must do six things:

• Journal
• Visualise
• Exercise
• Follow a meal plan of choice
• Avoid alcohol

AND….

• Take a cold shower.

The cold shower was a challenge at first, but now I’ve come to realise how crucial and beneficial it is. So, this is what I wanted to share today.

Why would you take a cold shower, Jonny? That’s crazy!

Well that’s me. J I’ve also come to love and appreciate all the weirdness and craziness about myself. If that’s you too, learn to appreciate those things about you.

Anyway, back to cold showers…

It was hard work, yes, but I built it up and now it’s a regular habit. There is plenty in life where ‘we don’t want to do that’, yet these things provide us with certain benefits.

There’s the little voice in your head, saying, ‘don’t do it’ or ‘you don’t really need to do that’, but coming out of my comfort zone and taking on the cold shower challenge has helped me so much.

The survival instinct part of the brain, remember, is always trying to keep you in your comfort zone too—not necessarily looking for new experiences or habits that might benefit you. I’ve backed up the cold shower rationale with my own experiences and other research-experienced benefits.

My benefits of enjoying an exciting cold shower:

It quashes that little voice trying to stay in a safe place

You know, the voice that comes in when you try something challenging, such as asking your boss a difficult question, trying an extreme sport or activity, asking that person out or standing up and speaking in public.

I’ve found having a cold shower increases my willingness to step outside my comfort zone and embark on something challenging.

Energy!

Coffee in the morning? Naaah, just have a cold shower! Or both! The cold shower really gives me a kick though, and then doesn’t drop my energy levels afterward in the way coffee does.

I can feel half asleep in a warm shower, but the cold one really gets me going ready for the day.

Relaxed and focused

I have found that once I’ve done my cold shower, my body actually feels quite relaxed. I then find that in the relaxed state, I’m more ready to move on to the next morning activity, whether that’s writing or speaking. I become more focused as a result.

Get the day going with a sense of achievement

Standing in the cold shower for two minutes is certainly a challenge. When I’ve completed this, I feel fantastic, ready to take on more for the day.

I try and praise myself for every small win and this certainly is one.

Embrace pressure and stress

Day-to-day life will be filled with challenges, stress and pressure. Standing in a cold shower fills your body with an external stimulus that exerts pressure on you (like what will happen in life).

By learning to accept the cold shower and not fight it, I’ve found I’m much more resilient to day-to-day challenges being thrown at me. It’s not about fighting them but surrendering to them and going with them.

Boost your immune system

Research has shown that exposure to blasts of cold can stimulate a sluggish immune system and give a kickstart to lymphatic drainage, essential for fighting infection and staving off auto-immune diseases such as rheumatoid arthritis and inflammatory issues.

While I certainly don’t recommend it when you’re in the middle of a flare-up of an auto-immune disease, practising cold showers at other times should help you stave off all manner of immunity-based ailments.

Don’t just take my word for it!

Now, research is always finding pros and cons to things like this, and that is why I shared the benefits in the section before.

A number of credible sources I researched online and in books all backed up why a cold shower is good.

Of course, if you want to read up more, good old Dr Google will have more than enough articles, but I found the following resources particularly helpful:

Medical Daily, Runners World, Menprovement, Higher Status by Jason Capital. You will also find a lot of information about Wim Hof who combines cold showering with his famous breathing techniques. Check out YouTube for video materials about Wim.

This is a summary of the benefits of cold showers, extracted from all these sources:

• Energy to start the day
• Relieve muscle soreness by reducing lactic acid
• Stronger mentality to face daily challenges / help emotional resilience to prepare the brain for stress
• Lower depression by stimulating the release of noradrenaline
• Increase fat loss, by using fat to keep warm
• Increase blood circulation to the organs to stay warm
• Improve skin and hair by reducing the body’s natural oil loss
• Increase in testosterone
• Drain the lymphatic system of cellular waste to improve the immune system
• Promote better quality of sleep and relaxation.

Some tips for getting used to cold showers

Well, this seems like a big challenge, so how do I go about doing this?

Like anything new, don’t go in too big or else it may be counterproductive, potentially leading you to give up. It’s best to start small and then build up to longer times.

I’m on two minutes at the moment, which I find highly beneficial—but I had to build up to that.

Building up like this can help:

• 30 seconds
• 1 minute
• 90 seconds
• 2 minutes.

Or even break it down further to:

• 15 seconds
• 30 seconds
• 45 seconds.

Go at your own pace, I did a few days of 30 seconds before a few days of a minute and then built up incrementally to two minutes.

Another key tip is not to fight the cold but to embrace and accept it. Learn that you are in a cold shower. If you struggle with this, try and say, ‘I accept and embrace this cold shower’ rather than fighting it.

Finally, make it into a habit and reward yourself for doing it. You might give yourself a couple of squares of dark chocolate—high cocoa content of 70% or so is actually quite healthy—for completing it each day. This is rewarding your brain for doing something good and it will learn that message. Plus, quality dark chocolate also has immunity benefits!

You can do longer than 2 minutes if you want, but I find 2 minutes beneficial enough for me. I would suggest though that anything under a minute is not going to give you enough benefit, although of course build up at the start.

Conclusion

Are cold showers nice or luxurious when you’re in one? No! But they’re like many challenging things in life; they can give you such a boost and benefit when you make it into a regular habit.

I’ve felt such a boost in the morning, becoming more resilient to mental challenges and more focused.

Since a plethora of research supports the benefits of cold showers, you can feel well supported when indulging in this practice.

It’s not to say you can’t ever have a luxury hot shower or warm bath again, but a morning cold shower can really help you set your day up right.

Photo by Chandler Cruttenden on Unsplash

Jonny Pardoe © January 2020

http://example.com

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The post The buzz of cold showers for your well-being and growth appeared first on The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset.

Diet – physical health and mental health

If you gave a top athlete a training regime but a poorly planned nutritional program, would they perform as well as an athlete on a good diet? Hopefully you answered no to that question. The athlete could train for their sport, but the exercise would only take them so far. Now actually there is a debate about the right kind of diet to enable athletes to reach peak performance and I’d highly recommend watching Game Changers on Netflix for more information about this.

It’s actually the same for mental focus or for emotional health. Think about yourself or about someone who has had too much sugar. Were they able to sit down and concentrate? Were they able to perform to the best of their ability?

Think about a time when you perhaps ate some fast food or an unhealthy meal. Were you feeling as good about yourself? Did you feel switched on? Then compare with eating something like a salad.

There are two points I am going to explore about the impact of diet on mental health:

1. Deficiencies
2. Sensitivities

I am not going to go into too much detail about the biochemistry of this, but I’m going to talk about some of the key points of both. You can have all the right psychology in place (meditations, affirmations, visualisation) but if you don’t eat enough of the right things or eat the wrong things then you are always limiting yourself. In particular I have learnt so much about this from Ben Angel’s book and course ‘Unstoppable’.

Deficiencies

When I talk about deficiencies, I am talking about the body not getting enough of a certain source. This can have an impact on physical activity but also on your mental health. I follow a vegan diet, which has many benefits, but, however, not eating meat and dairy (which does me good), means that I have to make sure the good vitamins and nutrients which are in these sources, come from elsewhere in my diet.

Some of the key things that you must be sure to have enough of, are: Vitamin B, Vitamin D, Serotonin, Dopamine and Magnesium. These all play different roles in the body for physical and mental health but neglecting one or more of these sources can lead to issues such as depression, anxiety, stress, fatigue as well as a range of other physical symptoms.

So, what are good food sources for these? I have stated some options below:

• Vitamin B – meats, fish, legumes, leafy greens, eggs, soya milk
• Vitamin D – fatty fish, some meats, supplements
• Serotonin – spinach, seeds, salmon, Tofu, pineapple
• Dopamine – meat, eggs, dairy, soy and legumes
• Magnesium – leafy vegetables, whole grains, nuts, beans
• Zinc – tofu, spinach, yoghurt, nuts, eggs

These are not the only sources but just to name a few.

Sensitivities

It’s impossible to tell what you, as the reader, are sensitive to; unfortunately, it’s quite difficult for a person to understand what they may be sensitive to, in terms of food and drink sources. The main point with sensitivities is that some things can trigger off negative emotions, such as anxiety, depression or stress.

I used to know a guy in a previous job who had 6-7 coffees a day, was calm and could sleep well at night. I know people who can have a high caffeine tea just before bed and sleep well. If I have more than one coffee a day or anything past midday, I experience some bad emotions and often struggle to sleep! So again, we are all different. In fact even after one coffee a day I can feel on edge, so I’m on another habit challenge to give up coffee at the moment.

There are certain sources that can cause brain fog (where we can’t think as clearly) or mean that we can’t stay calm. These will vary from person to person, but some sensitivities may include:

• Caffeine
• Coffee
• Alcohol
• Chocolate / sugar
• Gluten

Sadly, it may mean for some people who find that they are sensitive to certain foods or drink, that they need to give them up or find an alternative. This may be hard, but the benefit is better mental health.

My findings

So, by noting what I am eating, how I feel after eating foods and taking some blood tests, I have begun to form an understanding of what may affect me. I wanted to share some of these with you:

• High sugar – when I eat non 85% dark chocolate with a high sugar content, I am much more likely to feel anxious, negative and worried about things.
• Low vitamin D – when I was feeling down, I found that my Vitamin D was not as high as it could be. Probably from a lack of sun in the country but also my vegan diet was deficient in it.
• Caffeine – as mentioned. When I have more than one intake of caffeine, I can get brain fog and become more anxious or stressed.
• Alcohol – unfortunately the uni student in me never really left, I love a good social event with a few drinks. When I’ve had a drink too many, however, despite the excitement and thrill of the night out, the next day I struggle physically, I can’t concentrate on anything and also, emotionally, I experience my worst feelings. Sometimes the anxiety and depression are so great that takes me a couple of days to recover fully before I revert to the best version of myself again.
• Magnesium – when I take this before bed, I am able to fall into deeper dreams and sleep as a result.

What should you do if you’re worried?

So, if you are not feeling your best, despite trying psychological methods, I would recommend the following:

• Speak to a nutritional therapist or GP about experiences and your diet.
• Take blood tests to check your levels of intake. Thrivia is a company in the UK that I highly recommend, with easy to do tests where you take blood samples, they process them and then send back the results on your possible deficiencies.
• Food sensitivity tests can be helpful too. These can look at what may be triggering certain emotions.

Of course, the above are going to cost a bit of money. The nutritional therapist may be a good starting point though, as they will give you a recommendation of what tests / actions you may want to take before you start dishing out on loads more.

A great cheap option is to journal, how you feel after certain foods and then proceed by trial and error.

For example, ‘I felt a bit uneasy after that cup of coffee this morning, I wonder what I will feel like if I do without it?’ Then not having it for a few days, journal how you feel.

(Note: If it was several cups of coffee a day, I would not recommend going cold turkey completely but cut down gradually).

Conclusion

Our diet not only plays an important role in our physical health but can also play a significant role in our mental health too. It may be a case of having deficiency in certain sources but also sensitivities to some foods/drink. Sensitivities can be difficult to pinpoint but by journaling, through trial and error and potential tests, you can increase your awareness of what may or may not be suitable to eat/drink.

Do enjoy your Christmas holidays, but just be conscious that if something can cause you bad emotions, maybe cut down or avoid it. I look forward to creating more blogs and content for 2020.

Photo by Gladys Aguayo on Unsplash

Jonny Pardoe © December 2019

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I’m openly willing to admit that I’ve been suffering from anxiety again, and some panic attacks, which have caused me headaches and pure exhaustion at times. I’ve increased my self-awareness so much this year to identify certain things that cause these.

Bad things will happen to all of us but one key thing I have learnt is to do things that make you feel good and avoid things that make you feel bad. Sounds so easy… Well, as you probably know, it’s not, when you have habits or addictions to things. This could be in the form of eating bad sugary foods or aimlessly looking at negative social media feed.

I was struggling on what subject to write about the other day, but then it hit me; what I am trying to achieve is feeling good at the moment. For example, I went to see a Nutritional Therapist last night to see if I could improve my diet to feel better, which identified some gaps. I want to feel good now, not wait for something to happen to make me feel good. So therefore, I have written about this subject today.

Why focusing on feeling good is the priority

I’ve become quite into the spiritual side of things in the last year, and love to read / watch information from Gabby Bernstein. I think spirituality may be a future blog topic! I was praying for getting a sign to make me feel better again, then Gabby Bernstein’s video on Facebook appeared: ‘If you’re misaligned, watch this’.

The focus was on trying to feel good rather than forcing an outcome. Gabby openly talked about her challenges and how when she let go of it, that was what she wanted came to her. This video was clearly a sign that I should be focusing on feeling good.

When you feel good, things flow a lot easier, rather than waiting miserably for something to happen. When you feel good, you are also more productive, and ideas come to you more easily. Think about a time when you were enjoying yourself or relaxed and then a great idea—without effort—came into your head!

A final point is that when you feel good, you have positive energy. You are able to attract good things better and block out more negativity (whether internally or externally). I’m not sure there is any human on earth who doesn’t authentically want to be happy, but often we just wait for it to come, which is what I’d been doing for so long.

Why the outcome or expectation can be damaging

The outcome or expectation of something is outside of your control. What is in your control is your action and your efforts to achieving something. So, focusing on expecting something to happen can be damaging, whether that’s the job you ‘expect’ to get, the award you ‘expect’ to win or the romantic relationship with someone you ‘expect’ to form. If it goes your way, it can be a great feeling, but soon you’ll want more and more. If it doesn’t go your way, you’ll feel down as you attach yourself to the outcome too much.

Nothing is guaranteed that is outside of your control. Forcing things to happen only drains your energy more and more, rather than increasing through prioritising your own well-being.

Why goal setting is important still

I wanted to emphasise that setting goals for what you want to achieve and always expecting an outcome are two different things. Setting goals (when done with effort and thought) really helps you to identify what it is you actually want. This can help lift your energy and sense of purpose, excite you, drive you, and give you joy.

Chances are, though, you won’t achieve all your goals, whether short, medium or long-term. Goals are there to give you direction and when you don’t achieve them, you can start again. Goals may also change as you grow and discover new things too, which is perfectly fine. It’s important as I’ve stated, to enjoy the journey of the goals and doing what you do in the moment, rather than focusing too much on achieving them as the point for feeling good.

How to focus on feeling good

But how do I feel good, Jonny? you may ask.

Well it’s really about discovering what it is you love to do and achieving the right balance in your life between work, fun, health, socialising, relationships and other areas.

I’ve provided some ideas below, though:

• Make a list of things you genuinely enjoy and make time for them.
• Keep your mind focused on the present (meditation is fantastic for this, ideally 10-20 minutes a day).
• Talk to people about what is troubling you. I’ve found this hard myself, and generally as men, we don’t do this as well. You can talk to family, friends, a free support organisation (such as Samaritans) or even a professional if affordable.
• Journal your thoughts. When you write down your thoughts, it can help so much just to be expressing them rather than building them up and can help with enhanced thought clarity.
• Treat your mind and body with respect. When you eat or drink badly, you are never going to be able to function properly; therefore, look at the right foods and drinks. There are plenty of sources on the Internet to get ideas if you can’t afford a nutritionist or personal trainer. There are also some foods that we may be sensitive too physically, mentally and emotionally, we are all different. So it can be worth doing a food sensitivity test.
• Be very clear on what you want and why. Following a path that you think you ‘should do’ rather than what you want can be extremely damaging. Therefore, make sure you find time to discover what you really do want. I actually invested in a life coach to help me with this, and that’s when I discovered my passion for speaking and coaching alongside writing.

In summary

Make feeling good the priority. When you feel good, life flows so much easier and the right things come into your life. Making feeling good into regular habits is vital, and don’t just try and feel good once but make it a constant practice. There will be setbacks in life, I’m afraid, but you will be so much stronger to face them when you focus on feeling good and the positives in your life.

Don’t chase or wait for happiness but make an effort to feel good now!

Photo by Todd Trapani on Unsplash

Jonny Pardoe

Jonny Pardoe © November 2019

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I’ve managed to get on top of my fitness, made progress with some more YouTube videos, started coaching individuals—and even delivered my first speech at Toastmasters. J

However, I am going somewhere with this… What I am getting at is that none of this progress would have been possible without taking action.

So, taking action is today’s focus! If there’s one key lesson I’ve picked up in the last year—amongst many—it’s that I am responsible for my own actions, no matter if I am in a bad state or not. The action I take will determine my outcomes.

Today, I discuss action with learning, action with fear / confidence and action with feeling happy. Taking action is key to personal growth and improving mental health.

Action and learning

A few weeks back, I produced a YouTube video on the subject of knowledge and application, and this is the message I am going to emphasise here.

You can pick up all the books, courses, YouTube videos, Podcasts etc., that you like, but if you don’t actually apply that knowledge, then nothing will change. Sitting in front of your screen watching endless YouTube ‘how to’ videos may be inspiring—but you really do have to get up off the couch and do something with the information! (Or, sit on the couch and do something productive online—but you get my drift).

At first, when starting out, you are more than likely going to need these kinds of resources, and you really do need to get all the resources you can, but there is a point when you need to take action. When taking action, I’ve found that is when the true learning actually begins. But this is where people get stuck.

The sad reality is, however, that making things happen doesn’t occur magically, just because you watched some videos. It won’t come by telepathy.

I can use an example from my own life. In starting a YouTube channel, it wasn’t until a conversation with my coach and mentor that I realised I was holding back and needed to start. I was constantly having the conversation with myself that I needed to watch more speakers or learn more before I set up my channel. There was always some reason to procrastinate on the action.

When I came to making my first videos, I didn’t like the videos much but as I made more and more and attended groups such as Toastmasters, I became a lot better. That was when I started learning about my style and how to adjust. The improvements would not have been made unless I actually started.

It’s easy for you to think you need more information before taking action. I never stop learning—as we are all learning—but I make sure I actually take action to make a difference to my life. Even though, sometimes, taking action involves stepping out of the comfort zone or facing fear, which brings us to the next section:

Action and fear / confidence

Have you seen a highly confident person perform a speech or stroll into the workplace and thought, wow, they have all the confidence in the world and no fear? Well, you’re wrong. They are—or would have been—afraid, but they have faced the fear and taken action on it.

There are many ways to try and handle fears, such as visualisation, meditation and in extreme phobia cases, the likes of therapy.

Although these can be effective ways to face fear and increase confidence a bit, and in extreme cases are often needed, the only way you truly can become more confident is by actually taking action and doing the things you fear so you get more accustomed to them.

Now, sometimes, to get confidence in an area or to face a large fear, it can be simply too great a jump for an individual. In these instances, it can be beneficial to break the challenge down even further, into smaller steps.

I will use an example from my life again. When I first started working in the public sector, I was terrified to even say my name in a room full of senior managers. I wanted to become more confident in situations like this, though. So, I broke it down to address these action points:

• Speak in an apprentice and graduates-only group
• Give a small update in my smaller team meeting
• Chair a smaller team meeting
• Give a simple update in a meeting with senior managers
• Provide verbal reports in meetings with senior managers and directors.

Some of the above, I would attempt a couple or a few times before moving to the next stage, but I grew my confidence. By taking actions, though, I have massively developed my confidence in speaking. In my current organisation, I can give company updates, chair the key meetings as well as giving speeches to Toastmasters and doing weekly YouTube videos.

Action and being happy

As probably most, if not all of you will realise, there is no smooth path through life. There will be challenges and setbacks. The choice you do have is how you respond to setbacks and challenges like this. What action you take when things go badly, or when unfortunate circumstances happen, is crucial.

Just to point out, when something extremely bad happens such as a family member’s or a friend’s death, or a tough relationship break-up, these things will take time to grieve over and you wouldn’t have been best placed in missing that grieving time out. Nobody is saying you have to be on top of your game the whole time.

However, there are some bad things where there comes a point to learn from the experience and take action for the rest of your life.

To be happy, you have to do happy. When you take positive action, you won’t always get positive results, but you will eventually. However, lying constantly in self-pity or performing actions such as constantly eating too much junk food, drinking too much or generally not taking care of yourself will be unlikely to provide a positive outcome. There are plenty of examples of famous people who had a horrible start or terrible moments in their lives, but they continued to take action and became the people they are today.

I find it vital for me to take action on myself to look after my mental health. I want to be happy, and know I have to take action to do this. I am in a state whereby I can’t ever give up on myself. Why would I? I am going to be me for the rest of my life, so why not try and take action to make my life as good as it could possibly be?

So, going back to my set-back from the summer, I asked myself what action could I take? It wasn’t an easy time, but I started to increase my meditation, I made sure I ate foods that didn’t deprive my energy or sugar levels—as these would exacerbate my anxiety—and made sure I kept up social activities.

I kept taking action even when I didn’t feel like it.

Then I found progress in my life again. Things started to work out better, even though not straight away. I do believe life will improve, and things will be delivered to you, but you have to take constant positive action even when it’s hard.

Personal growth for me is something that is a must and I love growing myself, even in hard times.

In summary

You can try and reframe your thoughts. You can take on all the learning you want—but if you don’t back all this up with the right actions, nothing will change. Is taking action easy? No, not always. In which case, it can be highly beneficial to break the action down into smaller, simpler chunks. Getting results from action can take time, but by applying no action, nothing will change.

Jonny Pardoe

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Jonny Pardoe © October 2019

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The post October 2019: Action, Action, Action appeared first on The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset.

As you may have seen recently in my social media, I’ve not felt quite right recently. My esteem dropped to low levels and in a few areas, my confidence has taken a knock back. Unfortunately, this is not the first time; when a setback has happened, I’ve seen my self-esteem and self-confidence drop. This causes many negative effects for me, in particular, feeling very low and anxious at times.

This time, however, I’ve decided that I have had enough. I’ve made a promise to myself: to learn to love myself and to build my self-esteem up. As a result, in the last few weeks, I’ve been doing a lot of reading about this and noting key habits and actions. If I have a genuine love and appreciation of myself then this will flow across all areas of my life and so when something does knock me back, I’ll be better at bouncing  back and helping  myself through it.

So, today’s blog focuses on self-esteem, self-confidence, the difference between the two and tips for improving them. I know that I am definitely not alone in the world of low self-esteem and so I hope today’s blog helps others too, as my aim is to help people see their purpose and find fulfilment in life.

What is self-confidence?

I’ve learnt self-confidence is specific to different areas of life. Self-confidence is how capable you are in a specific situation or task. For example, if, in my  job, you were to ask me to stand up in front of a group of people, to facilitate a meeting or to update senior leaders or managers, I would be reasonably confident (believe it or not) that I could do that as it is part of my job. This is also something that I practise  regularly. If, on the other hand, you were to ask me to sing in front of a group of people, bearing in mind that I have a terrible voice (seriously it would hurt your ears) and also that I don’t practise singing, then my confidence levels would be pretty low.

Self-confidence is often something that you can practise, just like any skill, but the key part of increasing your self-confidence, is to take action even when you are afraid of doing something. It’s often said that confident people don’t have an absence of fear but rather they just go ahead and do it anyway. So, for me, speaking in front of people is something I found daunting at first, but I did it anyway and in that way, increased my confidence.

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem, however, is a little different, even though it is connected to self-confidence. If you have good self-esteem, then you are likely to try more things and not worry so much about failure. You will take risks which will increase self-confidence.

Self-esteem for me is divided into two key areas:

• Vision and ambition of your life.
• Self-acceptance and self-love.

Vision and ambition are about how capable you see yourself in life. What is your purpose, what are you here to give to the world. This for me, is actually quite positive as I have always had ambition. I’ve always thought ‘big’ and I continue my journey to pursue my big dreams.

The second part, however, is self-acceptance and self-love; this is about how much you love yourself and your current sense of worth. This is where historically I have always encountered problems. When something goes wrong, I have always had that inner critic in my head screaming at me for making a mistake, for not being where I want to be, and for not being happy with the reality (even though I’m very blessed to have the life I have). This inner critic can be a massive problem for many people.

How self-love / happiness is connected?

Mental health issues such as depression or anxiety often come from a lack of self-esteem, lack of worth, lack of acceptance and struggles to see the positives in yourself. When you love yourself, however, and by this, I mean genuinely love yourself, not just acting confident in front of people. When you love yourself and your life, you will be happy; the two go hand in hand.

Loving yourself is the number one priority to focus on. There are so many benefits associated with loving yourself, but a few include:

• You will focus on things that only add value to your life.
• You will be more productive in all other areas of life / other goals.
• You will bring a positive state to friends and family, being a great person to be around.
• You will be able to bounce back more easily from those setbacks that are inevitable in life.

Now to return to something that I’ve mentioned already. If you have good self confidence in one area but a lack of self-esteem, you are not likely to be happy. Let’s use an example of Adam, an office worker.

Adam is confident in carrying out his day job, in terms of compiling reports, using applications on his computer and his administrative responsibilities, but he doesn’t like doing it or where he is in life. He doesn’t view himself as someone who could do a better job than his current one and therefore, he is miserable.

What would be Adam’s best option here? To increase his confidence in his skills or to work on his self-esteem?

I think you know the answer… self-esteem of course. If Adam works on his self-esteem, he is likely to love himself more, find out what he really wants and support himself on that journey.

Ways to improve self confidence

Self-confidence refers to an area of life and so to increase confidence, you generally have to take action even when you are a bit fearful of doing so. Sometimes the fear is so great, that it may be beneficial to break large overwhelming goals into smaller ones.

When we repeat something time after time, that fear will reduce, as our self-confidence increases.

Let’s use an example of public speaking:

If Dave is required to give a speech to his company but fears public speaking, his self-confidence is going to be quite low. To eliminate the fear and to build up his self-confidence, he could take the following steps:

• Speak to himself in the mirror every night.
• Record himself on camera.
• Do the speech to friends, family or a trusted colleague at work.
• Attend a local speaking group and practise speaking in a helpful, friendly forum.
• Then do the speech.

The other key thing to note about self-confidence, is that there will be no point at which, psychologically, you can be fearless; you will have to face the fear. By breaking it down though and through consistent practice, the amount of fear is likely to reduce, and confidence will increase.

I know this from experience. When I was in my early to mid-twenties and started in the public sector, even saying my name in a meeting full of senior managers, scared me. Now in my later twenties, I am able to speak on YouTube, speak in Toastmaster meetings and even give presentations to the whole company at work. I built up confidence gradually, and although in all those situations, I still have that fear, it has decreased as I have taken action to improve myself.

Ways to improve self esteem

Self-esteem often comes from early experiences in our life, and then significant life experiences later on. If you have a life where your self-esteem has been quite low, this is going to be a challenge to change, but is achievable. Such is the situation that I’ve found myself but even in the space of a few weeks, I’ve seen improvements as I have taken action and changed my habits.

For me, I didn’t have a bad start in life. I was blessed to grow up in a loving family, have a nice home and good friends throughout school. Yet situations in my life have meant that I have viewed myself negatively. Some examples:

• Primary school: being called fat, girls being interested in my friends and not me. Feelings of being ugly, fat and not likeable.
• Secondary school: my friends making other friends, lacking in confidence to make new friends until later years. Getting into football but people telling me how bad I was at it. Feelings of worthlessness and loneliness.
• Sixth form: this was actually a lot better in the second year, but at first, being in a new environment and struggling to talk to people or to make new friends. Feelings of being boring or unlikeable.
• University: more in the first and second year but having ‘lad’ mates around who were charismatic and appealing to the girls, whilst I was not. Constant comparisons. Feelings of being weak, unlikeable and hopeless.
• Twenties: getting rejected by job interview after job interview in the public sector. Made me feel that I was not good enough to do even a simple job in the public sector. Feelings of feeling useless, unworthy and anger (both internally and externally).

There are other examples. Again, I am not trying to create a sob story but trying to demonstrate how many factors in anyone’s life can decrease self-esteem.

It’s about managing the inner critic. One effective description that someone gave me of the inner critic, is that it is like the upset younger child of me. It’s about managing that inner critic, not ignoring it. Ignoring the bad feelings inside you is THE WORST thing you can do. So, here are a series of habits and actions for increasing self-esteem and self- love to counter the inner critic:

Acknowledging: Telling the inner critic that you are listening and you’re in this together to improve matters.

Affirmations: Saying positive phrases to yourself every day, such as ‘I love myself’ or ‘I accept myself as I am’. The brain does not always know the difference between what is real and what is not. So, it’s important to say these with meaning and eventually you will start to believe them. I recommend spending at least a few minutes on these, a couple of times a day.

Journaling: Get your thoughts down on paper, so that you can more easily see what is going on in your head.

Meditation, breathing: Learning to breath will really help to control your thinking. There are many apps that can help but I would recommend spending five minutes or so, on breathing in for four seconds and breathing out for six.

Meditation, discovering the root cause: This was a brilliant exercise that I was given by my life and business coach / mentor. The idea is to ask yourself the question where the negativity is coming from, why you feel like that and in which areas of your life you feel the most affected.  Then ask yourself who you want to be. You are digging into your subconscious and consciously, helping to improve it.

Recording and reading compliments: As human beings we tend to dwell on the negatives rather than positives; this is thought to be because our brain is switched on to protect us from the dangers. We often get compliments and quite quickly forget them. Therefore, keep a list of compliments from people and read them daily. This will train your brain to focus on the positives.

Reduce social media: This is addictive in today’s world, but social media can cause comparisons and feelings of low self-worth. Therefore, reduce your social media use. I’ve limited my use to only two couple of hour slots a day. This not only helps you emotionally but mentally can allow you to focus better.

Visualisation: First of all, spend some time thinking about your ideal life. Then visualise it daily. This helps your brain focus on what makes you happy. Therefore, your subsequent actions and habits  are more likely to be consistently focused on this.

Self-esteem is not something you can fix quickly but with consistent habits and actions such as what has been mentioned above, you will find it steadily increasing. When someone says to me that I’ve done a great job, I am now better at receiving that information or conversely, when I make a mistake, I am less critical of myself.

Now you may be thinking: ‘Jonny, that seems like an awful lot of effort to work on my self-esteem’. Yes and no. Yes, in the way that you have to work for it, but no, in the way that these are just small habits to adopt for a few minutes on a regular basis. It could be argued that time may have been previously wasted scrolling social media or watching something on TV that you don’t even like much. What’s going to be more beneficial? Working to love yourself or seeing how many marshmallows somebody can fit into their mouth on Facebook?

In summary

Self confidence and self-esteem are connected but are also different concepts. Self-confidence is generally a specific area but can be increased by taking action in that particular area or breaking it down into little steps. Self-esteem can be challenging to move from a low position to a high one, especially if you have had experiences in your life which have resulted in it being low. Yet through persistent work, actions and habits, you can increase self-esteem. Self-esteem and therefore happiness, are an absolute must. When you truly love yourself, it will affect all areas of your life.

Jonny Pardoe

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Jonny Pardoe © September 2019

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I have talked about morning routine in a previous blog but this one is really an update on the more beneficial routines I have picked up. In fact, I have been combining top tips from two of the amazing books that I’ve read recently: ‘The Miracle Morning’ by Hal Elrod and ‘Unstoppable’ by Ben Angel, into my morning routine. I have also included various of Shannon Kaiser’s tools into my morning routine.

So today I am going to discuss why a morning routine is so beneficial, what the ‘Miracle Morning’ book mentioned and what my particular morning routine includes.

Why an early morning routine?

Having a good morning routine as opposed to rushing into the day, really helps me to take a positive step into the day. It helps me toto energise and to focus on some important tasks before I begin the rest of the day. I want to get the most productivity and enjoyment out of each day, and this really starts with a good morning routine.

Some benefits include:

• Less distractions e.g e-mails, texts or social media.
• Tackling the most important things first
• Good momentum of productivity to carry through the day
• Taking early positive action

Note a couple of other things to bear in mind: levels of sleep and turning the phone off. If you get up early to perform an early morning routine make sure you get enough sleep the night before or else, you will not mentally or physically get the benefits. The amount of sleep we need is different per person and lifestyle but personally, I have found that I need somewhere between 7 – 8 hours.

Also, I tend to keep my phone notifications switched off and won’t look at messages or social media until midday. This allows less distractions. If someone wanted to contact me, they would just phone me or otherwise I can contact them later in the day.

My routine inspired by the Miracle Morning

As mentioned, my ‘Miracle Morning’ routine is inspired by Hal Elrod, but I include tips from Ben Angel’s book ‘Unstoppable’ in my routine.

The idea behind the Miracle Morning is to tackle different needs and bring energy into your body before you take on your goals. He uses an acronym called SAVERS in his book, to go through these. These are:

Silence – the act of gratitude or meditation.

Affirmation – positive sayings that you can repeat to prime your mindset.

Visualisation – able to visualise your goals, day/ week / month / future ahead.

Exercise – getting a physical workout into your day, whether light or more intense.

Reading – reading and learning something to begin your day.

Scribing – sitting down and writing something, such as journaling.

The idea is that you can do this routine anywhere and for anytime between six minutes and an hour. Depending how much time you want to allocate to each area, it could be six minute each or ten minutes or something in between.  Also, you don’t have to do it in the order above.

I have outlined my chosen order below and how it benefits me:

Scribing (5 minutes)

I find writing my thoughts down straightaway in my journal, helps me to gain clarity on my day. I look at what my goals are, what I am grateful for and pick a mantra from Shannon Kaiser’s book: ‘Find your happy daily mantras’.

It helps to clarify my thoughts in what is a busy mind.

Affirmations (10 minutes)

I then listen to some affirmations that I have recorded myself saying. These include:

‘I am not perfect, but I love and accept who I am’

‘I am balanced when I take care of myself’

These are affirmations that particularly help me in trying to overcome over- perfectionism and in looking after myself better. You can find any affirmations that can help you, though. This process lasts roughly three minutes on repeat, and I make sure that I say the quotes out loud.

The second part of my affirmation routine is to listen to a pre recorded Shannon Kaiser meditation / affirmation, which help to reduce any fears and worries for the day. This lasts roughly seven minutes.

The affirmation process helps my brain to focus on the positives and get that correct mind-set for the day.

Visualisation (5 minutes)

I then look at my whiteboard on which I have written my dream goals. My big dreams. Note, I aim to be happy in the present, but these are the big dreams. I do not base my happiness on achieving these but base my happiness on enjoying where I am now and on the journey towards achieving my ambitions and dreams.

Allowing myself to look at my dream goals and the reasoning behind them, helps me to clarify exactly why I am carrying out certain tasks or goals throughout the day. It brings me an excitement of my aspirations and why I do what I do in life.

For example:

Writing – To be a top 100 best-selling Amazon author. Why: I love creating content for a story with a theme and a message to share with people, from which they will hopefully benefit.

Exercise (10 minutes)

Mine is more on the lighter side in the morning as I do my workouts at lunchtime or play football at weekends. I do a bit of stretching, as my muscles are quite tight anyway and I like to loosen up in order to be more relaxed for the day ahead.

Reading (5 minutes)

Instead of reading from a particular book (which I tend to do on my commute to my job), I review the top ten key points which I have recorded from each of my favourite personal development books. This gives me a constant reminder of those. These are subject to change but currently my notes are from the books:

‘Power of now’, ‘The self-love experiment’ and ‘High Status’.

Allowing myself time to read in the morning gives me a sense of achievement and a sense of growth that I am learning to apply to my life. When I feel that I am growing, I feel happy.

Silence (meditation) (20 minutes)

This is my longest and perhaps most significant part of my routine. I listen to two lots of ten-minute meditations:

1. Using my Muse 2 Device, I practise my breathing inhalations and exhalations. By monitoring my brain activity, this device can then give me feedback on how I got on. Getting your breathing right is essential as it helps you to remain calm and enables your mind to be more focused. This is an expensive device but worth the investment. It helps you to understand when you are more focused in meditations than other times.
2. Ben Angel’s meditation ‘Focused and Fired Up’. This is a guided visualisation helping you to picture an upcoming challenge or fear. It then helps to bring feelings from positive experiences in order to reduce your fear and to prepare and fire you up for the forthcoming day. This really helps me identify my exact feelings and to make them more positive.

There are so many options for meditation these days, but I feel the above work for me. I also use ‘Muse’ to meditate in the afternoon and before bed.

Goals

When my hour or so of my ‘Miracle morning’ routine has been completed, I spend time on my main goal or goals for the day. If it’s a week day, before I go to work, I tend to spend about an hour on them, but at the weekend, I spend perhaps two – three hours on my goals. I work on goals in my lunchtime and in the afternoon, but these are ones which are less mentally draining. So, something like a big word count for my book would be done straight after my miracle morning routine, whilst doing a bit of speaking practice or checking e-mails would be done later in the day.  At the weekend, particularly in the afternoon and evening, I try to make sure that I don’t overdo this process, so that I am able to relax and to socialise.

In summary

When I follow a morning routine, it really benefits me for the rest of the day. I would highly recommend that you do so and make time for it. The ‘Miracle Morning’ is an amazing book, enabling you to create a positive routine before tackling your daily goals and giving you a good start to the day. I have outlined my routine to guide you but obviously, tailor it to your needs. Bigger and trickier goals are easier to tackle earlier in the day therefore giving you a greater chance of achieving them.

Jonny Pardoe

Jonny Pardoe © August 2019

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The post August 2019: Why Have a Good Morning Routine? appeared first on The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset.