Why NOT working on your self-esteem is selfish   

‘Not to work on my self-esteem would be selfish.’

Having low self-esteem itself is not selfish, as there are so many things that can knock us back. Not working on my self-esteem would be selfish as it would affect so many people than just me.

The above was a thought that occurred to me as I was on my sweaty but adventurous run. When I’m out running, I feel good, I get some excellent ideas, and my imagination starts sparking. I thought of the other things that make me feel good, like meditation, reading, listening to podcasts, social activities, writing, and creating content. Things that make me feel better about myself. When I’m in those states, I also start to think that I can offer more to other people, just by being my best self.

Then I started to think about a lot of people I follow and who impact people’s lives: Tony Robbins, Gabby Bernstein, Rob Dial, and many more. I’ve always been interested in routines and beneficial activities such as meditation, silence, workouts, journaling, and priming the mind. The people I follow say that if they don’t prime themselves to be in their best state, they can’t give as much to others. I, too, find the same.

When we feel good about ourselves, we can provide more. When we are on top of our game, we can contribute so much more. Think about the last time you felt on top, loved your life, or had a delightful moment, were you able to give a lot more than when you felt down? When I’ve hit my lowest points, I’ve not been able to write as well, not been able to create much content and not been as effective in my day job in project management.

That’s why working on self-esteem is so important and essential for me. It doesn’t just provide me with the benefit of feeling good about life but has a knock-on effect on others. 


Those around you: family/friends

  If you have low self-esteem, you will create a negative vibe about you. People will notice and feel that negative energy. I’ve been there when I was deficient, and people started looking at me, wondering why I was so low. Sometimes people started asking if they had done something to upset me, making them a little insecure.

   On the other side, I’ve experienced those moments when someone comes into a situation in a bad state, and the mood around can change. You no longer feel comfortable. While it’s perfectly natural for people to go into a low state from time to time, if you are always in a bad state because of your low self-esteem, it will have a knock-on effect on others.

   If you are a parent or in a relationship, your children or partner will feel it. If you are with a friend and acting negatively, they will feel it too. It can cause others to feel the same. What I am saying is that it’s your responsibility to change that low self-esteem. It’s okay to feel down (as that’s perfectly natural), but it is not okay to do nothing about it. Think about all the people on whom you could impacting by not working on your self-esteem.


Attacking or lashing out at people

   I genuinely believe that if we were in a world where people had even average levels of self-esteem, the world would be a better place. Things like war, attacks, bad relationships, and abuse would significantly reduce. When I say attacking another person, I mean both physically and mentally. A person only hurts another person because they are hurting themselves.

    I’m sure that if you are reading this, you aren’t about to start a war or attack another person maliciously, but think about when you’ve lashed out at another person. It was probably a time when you weren’t feeling too good about yourself. I can think of an example from last year when I did this. I had been on a long boozy holiday abroad, at a difficult time, I had not been looking after myself properly, went back to work, and did not feel on top of things. In a work meeting, a woman I get on with really well said something against my point of view, and I lashed out. My verbal attack hurt her, but all this was because I was projecting my insecurities and pain. She ended up in a bad state, not feeling good about herself. Can you see the knock-on effect that feeling bad about yourself can have on others?


Giving your value to the world

  I believe we all have value in life. Some of us are writers, some dancers, some lawyers, some accountants, some footballers, some gardeners, some artists, and the endless list. It’s okay not to know what you want to do in life yet, but it’s not okay not to look for it.

   With self-esteem, if it is low, then you are likely to hold yourself back in life from finding or doing what you want. You won’t go through with things, as you have little faith in yourself. I’ve been there. Yet this is incredibly selfish.

   Someone out there needs what you have to say to or offer them. If you don’t share who you are with the world, then you are selfish. The problem is that many of us are afraid to show who we are and be open with others. Showing who we are comes from low self-esteem; someone with high self-esteem will be more transparent in sharing themselves. Therefore, make sure that you are building up your self-esteem so that you can be you and provide valuable guidance that the world needs.



Is it selfish to have low self-esteem? No, there can be a lot of factors that lead to low self-esteem. Is it selfish not to try and improve it? Yes. You are stopping yourself from being that great person who can raise your own and, therefore, the morale of others, making the world a better place, and giving value to it by being in a state of happiness.

Work on that self-esteem, change your life and the lives of others.


Jonny Pardoe © September 2020


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