My Challenge With Anger

Anger….. This has been a lifelong challenge for me. Today I’m going to share my story and some ways I’ve looked to manage it which is an ongoing battle. 

There have been times in my life where I’ve felt ok and excited about life, yet other moments when intense anger showed up.  To this date I’m still looking to explore the root of it, yet I’ve found myself better equipped to transform it. I’m doing a lot more inner work and I know I’ll come up with the answer.

As a kid I’d lose it when I wasn’t winning on the Playstation or the other kids wouldn’t follow my rules.  As a teenager bizarrely I was actually fairly ok, a bit of a daydreamer, going through my education successfully.  

When I hit my late teens and early twenties at University though something was sparked and intense anger arose….. Snapping at other people, breaking things, throwing things, getting kicked out of clubs a lot (also for being too drunk) and even self harm as I was do disgusted by myself and also felt truly unlovable. I was told I needed anger management, never went for it though.

Then into my twenties from around the age of 22 I was calming down again, and life was fairly ok. I was growing in my career, keeping fit, going on a few dates and had a great social life.

There were moments in my twenties when I got angry with other people and situations of course I’m human. Sometimes some quite harsh thoughts and energy to people.

Then it really kicked off again in 2022, I had a little money challenge, lost a job, didn’t work out with someone I was dating that year and then in 2023. 

In the last 2 years my anger intensified and I’ve felt some of the harshest energies. It’s been more noticeable too with my deeper work and levels of personal growth. I learn more about myself when you go deeper I find and sometimes involves feeling into the emotions. Usually self contained and found a way like exercising intensely or being with myself or even screaming into a pillow and sometimes bursts out.

Since doing deeper work (even hiring a 1:1 Somatic Coach) I’ve found different ways of managing anger, although still a work in progress:

  • Sit with it for 60-90 seconds and really feel the feeling of it than the thought – I’ve found suppressing makes it a lot worst
  • Ask where it came from and be curious
  • Have a list of approaches to deal with it (given some times after harder than others). Some include:
    • Screaming into a pillow for 10 minutes
    • Going for a walk, allowing yourself to process
    • Writing on a page until you’ve got everything out
    • Breathwork allowing you to feel into it and then release

I guess my main learning point from dealing with anger is to not dismiss it, feel it, get curious and have a list of tools to deal with it.

Talking it out of course at least weekly with someone really helps too.

Jonny Pardoe, 24th November 2023

©The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset Ltd, 2023

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