How to manage negative self talk


Introduction
Do you or have you got overloaded with too many negative voices in your head? The kind of voices that stop you from doing what you want?
We live in a very competitive and comparing world. I would be lying if I said I hadn’t been on things like social media in the past and compared myself to other people in the personal growth or writing world. If we do not train our thoughts or the voices in the head then I am afraid we are going to be in trouble. There are too many challenges, not to do this. wWhether you are a writer, project manager, artist, single mum, CEO, a mix of all (which would be impressive) or anything.
I’m not saying the world is all bad but if you use an external source to determine how you feel…. Uh oh. I know because I’ve been there and my state was up and down like a yo yo.
From coaching people 1:1 in confidence and my own experience I started to notice a trend, it’s in our habits. We don’t have habits that serve us to naturally default to positive thinking. So therefore I have provided five tips on how to manage negative thinking.

We do NOT run from them but redirect them
One of the biggest mistakes I’ve seen and did myself is the question ‘why do I feel these horrible thoughts?’ That is the wrong question. Instead the question should be ‘how do I feel amazing?’. The quality of the question is vital. When we ask ourselves a question, the brain will look for an answer. We need to direct our questions and actions down the positive route rather than trying to vanish all the negative ones. Start focusing on where you want to go, not what you want to run from.

What is great about you?
This comes off the last point. The quality of the question again will determine the answer and therefore feelings. Asking yourself what is great about you and listing those things will train the brain over and over again to look for it. When I tried this myself at first and clients try, it’s often difficult to do but with practice it will become a natural habit. You will begin to fill up with the great things about you by tuning into your strengths. These don’t have to be huge things by the way, you could have exercised, you could have looked out for a friend, you could have written 100 words but if you do have big achievements do list them.

Strong incantations
What are incantations? This is saying an affirmation with emotional intensity to embed a phrase into your system and subsconscious strongly. An affirmation is a phrase which begins with ‘I am’ e.g I am courageous, I am wonderful, I am caring. What we say to ourselves again and again sinks into our system so if you’ve been saying things like ‘I am useful’ and ‘I am hopeless’ the chances are you will think negatively.
So create your own phrases that you want to believe in yourself. Shout them out with body movement to embed them in. I personally shout out ‘I AM CONFIDENT’ three times throughout the day and repeat it several times.
We can have limiting beliefs in our subconscious that are holding us back we don’t even know about where they came from. I for example had moments in childhood I remember when my baby brother died and being left with family friends and moments I got lost on my own causing the belief ‘I am not lovable’. I shout out ‘I AM LOVABLE’ a lot now and feel it. You don’t have to find the exact root cause of a limiting belief to change it though, just work out what your limiting beliefs are and shout the opposite.
P.S don’t care if others hear you, you are doing it for you and you’ll be an uplifting and positive role model to help others too.

Exercise and nutrition
Yes Jonny I know you have to have good exercise and nutrition. Do all of us really know it though? I believe we only know something when we do it as stated by one of my mentors Joseph McClenddon. If you aren’t exercising enough or eating the wrong things the chances of negative thoughts rising increases.
Exercise produces endorphins, feel good chemicals for the body. Nutrition affects you so much more than just physically. We can have not enough of certain vitamins or nutrients, an example is vitamin D (which is best obtained in supplement form in the absence of the sun). A lack of vitamin D can cause us to feel down in energy and mood swings. We can also have certain food and drinks that can affect us. The classic one would be alcohol… which was a problem for me for many years on my heavy binge drinking nights out, which causes a rise in anxiety and depression, but there are others. Too much coffee can cause us to feel on edge too or too much sugary treats. My best advice is to follow as many natural sources as possible.
I follow a vegan diet, you don’t have to but research shows so many physical and mental benefits from doing so. If you want to find out more read ‘The Plant Power Doctor’ by Gemma Newman.

Morning routine
My last point is morning routine. It’s so important to prime your brain up for a great day. Reaching for the phone, seeing a bombardment of social media messages and e-mails can really have an effect on mental health. So instead find a routine that is going to make you feel as strong as possible. Mine includes reading from a great book, a vision board exercise, and then a cold shower… yes there are benefits of a cold shower (but that’s for another day). I have conditioned my mind to start strong already from that focus.

Conclusion
You need to change your focus rather than trying to run away from negative thoughts. This is how to manage them. When I have been in my darkest places my failed attempts to get out were about instant gratification to get rid of negative thoughts, but when I started to look at where I wanted to go that’s when things progressed. Make sure you are working on these little habits to direct your thoughts down the positive path and never forget self esteem day (which is every day).

Jonny Pardoe
Confidence Coach and Neuroencoding Specialist

Jonny Pardoe © August 2021
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