In today’s blog I am going to focus on the following:
- Feeling and sharing insecurities
None of this should be treated as professional mental health advice. As with my podcast, social media and any other materials I produce on topics around mental health, self esteem, confidence and personal growth this is me sharing my own experience as an individual, working with a coach, being formerly a coach and other unnamed individual stories (unless permission gained to share their name). I am not a qualified mental health professional. Please seek professional help where appropriate to do so.
Today I’ve had an interesting start to the day on this cloudy Monday morning whilst I stay with the family in Exeter.
I woke up a little anxious (unfortunately I’ve only got one tablet of my beta blocker medication left until I have my next call with my doctor), but generally not needed them as much which is good. Again… please consult a professional on what to take for you, don’t copy what I’m doing.
I listened to one of my binaural beat music tracks, wrote my goals down and then sat with myself for 5 minutes whereby I sat with some of my worries and wrote them down. Getting them on paper helped massively and I was able to see I was not my thoughts, they were just there. I then questioned why they were false, that it was important to ask the right question as otherwise it can make them feel worse.
It’s also important to actually feel the feelings before moving on and not suppress them or else they just get stored in the body and get worse. Then I started writing solutions as the final part. It’s a new process I’ve developed and find it really helps. Sometimes I have to do multiple times a day.
I then went for a walk whereby an elderly woman asked if I had any change so she could get to the hospital, she seemed pretty genuine and I’d rather risk being made a slight mug of than potentially risk leaving an old vulnerable woman not getting to the hospital. I didn’t have any change so went to Tesco, bought a coffee (which I planned to anyway, but just with card initially) and gave her some change. That felt good.
I felt like a good flow on my walk with coffee in hand and fresh air. Lots of ideas were coming to me as I listened to my audio book. Then my anxiety started to increase, I think in all honesty it’s the strong coffee spike (a black Americano coffee if you’re wondering). So I started to apply my earlier process and breath work.
I find that process also helps with insecurities. I personally believe we all have insecurities to some degree, pretty much every person I’ve met has. The degree to which we let them hold us back or work through them impacts the quality of our lives though.
I was talking to a follower and then a successful coach the other day and it reminded me of something. I think the biggest area I’ve personally had challenges with insecurities is in the area of intimate relationships and dating, which even Tony Robbins said that’s the area he sees the most pain or pleasure in people as the world’s leading life strategist.
Another thing I’ve found useful in insecurities is actually sharing them. For a lot of us men in particular this is hard, as the ego comes in to protect us and sees it unsafe to share or ruin our ‘reputation’. I’ve found it worse keeping them stored as they can build up and play out in different ways physically and mentally.
I would to add this important point though, I’ve found it important to share at the right time and with the right person / people. Let’s use examples professional and personal:
I’ve been in many meetings in my career and I’ve felt like everyone was looking at me or judging negatively. I don’t really get that now, but have you been there? Maybe there right now? If I was to say out loud
Saying to the room ‘I feel very insecure in this room right now and like I’m being judged’ that’s perhaps not my preferred approach to go about it. Yet talking to a trusted manager, colleague or life coach outside I might find a little discomfort but would feel good to release it and see how we can move forward.
In a dating example, I know a lot of people can relate. You may be nervous and worried about what your date is thinking of you. Been there a lot of times particularly in my early twenties. It is ok to feel those things, I’m proud of me for coming out of the comfort zone all those times.
However, saying ‘I feel really insecure and nervous about this date, and worried if you will like me or not’….. Probably not the best thing to say on the first few dates… I’m surprised at the lack of common sense in the world though, even though that sounds obvious. Sharing those feelings with a close friend, coach or someone you trust for me really helps though. In dating and relationships I’ve found the more you progress the more you can share too, great communication is key but use your common sense and don’t overload them at the beginning. I’ve also found there are certain people I talk to I feel better and certain people I feel worse, so I’ve learned who to talk to and not when challenged with any insecurity.
In general the more work I put into myself the more I can move through insecurities. They can show up when you come outside the comfort zone and that’s ok. It’s about making sure I train the emotional muscles regularly, which is sometimes more of a workout than other times and not letting them hold me back.
Jonny Pardoe, 8th May 2023