Then it made me think about the challenges I’ve faced and how easy they look now—and how much they’ve made me grow.

You can’t avoid setbacks or mistakes

Setbacks in life; can we avoid them? Mistakes – can we avoid these? Will life flow smoothly all the time? Nope to all of these.

We can, however, reduce the number of likely setbacks and mistakes in life, and when I say that, it does sound appealing to do this …

The way to do this is to never push yourself towards your goals, never come out of your comfort zone, never grow—and stay still. Obviously, that kind of life is never going to change us.

When we do push for greater things, the number of setbacks and mistakes will increase, so this can be seen as a starter for greatness. It’s all about perspective.

Whether I’ve got promoted, got a better job, started my writing, started speaking, started my coaching career, been out dating I have always found that more setbacks came as I pushed myself toward new things and goals. Yet when I’ve overcome those setbacks, I’ve found that I’ve grown so much more and things that seemed so daunting once are not so daunting anymore.

Now, there will be some setbacks worse than others, and like any human, I’ve experienced this. I would like to emphasise that I am not saying ‘get over it’ and on to the next challenge.

What I’ve learned from setbacks

So, I’ve thought about all the positives and summarised what I’ve learned from setbacks into my top three things:

Path to something better

When something hasn’t worked out, it can sometimes be for the best. So, whether that is missing out on the job you thought you ’needed’ or dating the person you thought you ‘wanted’, the same applies.

I believe now that if it’s not meant to be, it’s not meant to be. A setback sometimes is teaching you that it’s not the right thing for you. Use your judgement, though, as to whether something is not right for you or something you really want and need to pursue.

For example, if you get rejected by a date, it’s better to try find someone else. Pursuing someone who doesn’t have the same interest in you is pointless and a waste of energy. This gives you an opportunity to work on yourself and find someone more suited.

If you miss out on a job, that one may have not been right for you either. However, you might love the career you are following, so don’t give up on it; it’s just a chance to work on yourself and when the right opportunity presents itself, you can go for it.

More about myself

When I’ve had setbacks, it’s helped me learn more about myself. It’s helped me learn how strong I am and what I’ve really wanted. It’s helped me learn about the skills I do have.

For example, when I went through a number of job interview rejections, it taught me how to really utilise some of my presentation skills I wouldn’t otherwise have realised I had. I learned how to present myself along the way and express myself.

How to turn a negative into positive action

I’ve learned how to change a negative into a positive. I learned that although getting out the frustration and disappointment is needed in the short term; it does not help to dwell on it and fall victim to my own life.

Therefore, by getting my brain to focus on next steps, it has helped me think more positively and action-focused going forward. This is a key skill for life as we don’t improve by what we think—but rather, by what actions we take.

Ok, Jonny – all well and good, but you’re quite a positive person. Some of us aren’t as positive, so how do we change this and react more positively to setbacks?

I am not just a naturally positive person; that’s the truth. I have had to work hard at improving my mindset to turn things around. That is probably the case for many people you see around you, the ones who always seem to have a smile on their faces no matter what.

You have no idea how hard these people have worked to become more positive and more proactive about improving their mindsets.

The reality is, I work on my own positive actions every single day! It’s a practice and habit. It’s like anything else.

We don’t get into good shape without doing exercise and eating well. We don’t become a good singer, without singing. We don’t become confident, without doing confident things.

WE DON’T BECOME POSITIVE WITHOUT DOING POSITIVE REGULARLY.

You think it’s impossible to ‘do positive’ while feeling bad? Not so. This is something you can learn too.

I know that not everything is going to be smooth in life, and I won’t be in a good state all the time. I do also know that if I don’t set myself up with the right habits and practises for positivity, I will struggle even more against setbacks.

That is why I do things like meditation, exercise, eat well, socialise, and many other things to help me be in a better positive state. Anyone can do this though; we don’t have to be helpless and say, ‘oh I’m just not a very positive person’ or ‘why do bad things always happen to me?’

Believe me, if you think bad things are going to happen to you all the time, they will—because your mindset makes you very vulnerable.

Now, as I say, some setbacks I encounter are certainly harder than others, and some people will have way harder setbacks than I do. Note that I don’t claim to have ownership of anyone else’s setbacks—only my own. But I do have ownership of knowing yours don’t have to beat you down.

How do I know this?

Well, that’s simple. I’ve seen myriad examples of people out there who have had horrible setbacks and come out on top with their response. Two examples:

Keanu Reeves – just Google his history to see what he’s overcome to be the man he is today.

J.K Rowling – this top-selling global author was rejected by so many publishers, alongside a series of personal setbacks, before she became one of the most successful authors in the world. This is the lady who sat in coffee shops unable to afford a coffee, as she struggled to pen her manuscript!

How can you change around setbacks into a better life?

Here are just some of the positive, ‘take action’ steps YOU too can take—starting right now—to be the more positive person you wish to be.

Allow frustration or disappointment

Some things are going to take more time to get over. Don’t ever bottle anything up though; talk it out, scream into a pillow, do some intense exercise—and anything else that’s healthy, all in reason of course.

Ask what you have learned from this

Did this life lesson teach you more about what you want? Did it teach you more about you as a person? Note the good points and developments you’ve learned from a setback.

Ask what you can do next time

When we ask the brain a question, it will look for an answer. Once you’ve had time to get over something, ask yourself what you can do next. What actions can you apply to progress with your life? Take some of the learning into account too.

Look at what you do have and be grateful

Gratitude is something everyone overlooks, me included. When you take time to appreciate what you do have, though, it helps you feel better.

So, spend time writing down all the things you do have rather than those you don’t. It trains the brain to focus on the positives rather than looking for dangers or the negatives, which is its default mode.

I spend a few minutes in the mornings, journaling my gratitude, for example.

Conclusion

Setbacks and challenges in life are inevitable, but respond to them with positive actions, and you are going to learn and grow.

This will just happen by default, too! That’s the really great news.

Go swimming every day, and you’ll become a better swimmer. Make more cookies, and the cookies will come out better. Respond positively to setbacks, and you will grow. It will have happened before you know it.

There will be times where setbacks and challenges are extremely hard, and it is ok to feel down or to feel frustrated. It’s natural, a part of ‘the human condition’.

The issue only becomes when you see yourself as a victim of life rather than learning from it, to become the stronger and greater version of you, the one you are capable of being.

Jonny Pardoe © February 2020

http://example.com

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The post How to Overcome it—to Grow in Your Life appeared first on The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset.

It’s weird to say that but I hope you all feel refreshed and ready for the year. I would say ‘ready to face your new goals’ but hopefully, you continually set goals for yourself, not just for January or the New Year.

As for me, I am very excited that my new book will be coming out at the end of this week: You Are More Than That will be available on Amazon from Sunday 26^th January. It’s a book on discovering your true purpose and living it, with five steps I outline, plus ideas, experiences and actions to help you live your most fulfilling life.

I’ve also recently been undergoing a challenge recently that’s called IronMind, a 60-day challenge created by Rob Dial, whereby each day you must do six things:

• Journal
• Visualise
• Exercise
• Follow a meal plan of choice
• Avoid alcohol

AND….

• Take a cold shower.

The cold shower was a challenge at first, but now I’ve come to realise how crucial and beneficial it is. So, this is what I wanted to share today.

Why would you take a cold shower, Jonny? That’s crazy!

Well that’s me. J I’ve also come to love and appreciate all the weirdness and craziness about myself. If that’s you too, learn to appreciate those things about you.

Anyway, back to cold showers…

It was hard work, yes, but I built it up and now it’s a regular habit. There is plenty in life where ‘we don’t want to do that’, yet these things provide us with certain benefits.

There’s the little voice in your head, saying, ‘don’t do it’ or ‘you don’t really need to do that’, but coming out of my comfort zone and taking on the cold shower challenge has helped me so much.

The survival instinct part of the brain, remember, is always trying to keep you in your comfort zone too—not necessarily looking for new experiences or habits that might benefit you. I’ve backed up the cold shower rationale with my own experiences and other research-experienced benefits.

My benefits of enjoying an exciting cold shower:

It quashes that little voice trying to stay in a safe place

You know, the voice that comes in when you try something challenging, such as asking your boss a difficult question, trying an extreme sport or activity, asking that person out or standing up and speaking in public.

I’ve found having a cold shower increases my willingness to step outside my comfort zone and embark on something challenging.

Energy!

Coffee in the morning? Naaah, just have a cold shower! Or both! The cold shower really gives me a kick though, and then doesn’t drop my energy levels afterward in the way coffee does.

I can feel half asleep in a warm shower, but the cold one really gets me going ready for the day.

Relaxed and focused

I have found that once I’ve done my cold shower, my body actually feels quite relaxed. I then find that in the relaxed state, I’m more ready to move on to the next morning activity, whether that’s writing or speaking. I become more focused as a result.

Get the day going with a sense of achievement

Standing in the cold shower for two minutes is certainly a challenge. When I’ve completed this, I feel fantastic, ready to take on more for the day.

I try and praise myself for every small win and this certainly is one.

Embrace pressure and stress

Day-to-day life will be filled with challenges, stress and pressure. Standing in a cold shower fills your body with an external stimulus that exerts pressure on you (like what will happen in life).

By learning to accept the cold shower and not fight it, I’ve found I’m much more resilient to day-to-day challenges being thrown at me. It’s not about fighting them but surrendering to them and going with them.

Boost your immune system

Research has shown that exposure to blasts of cold can stimulate a sluggish immune system and give a kickstart to lymphatic drainage, essential for fighting infection and staving off auto-immune diseases such as rheumatoid arthritis and inflammatory issues.

While I certainly don’t recommend it when you’re in the middle of a flare-up of an auto-immune disease, practising cold showers at other times should help you stave off all manner of immunity-based ailments.

Don’t just take my word for it!

Now, research is always finding pros and cons to things like this, and that is why I shared the benefits in the section before.

A number of credible sources I researched online and in books all backed up why a cold shower is good.

Of course, if you want to read up more, good old Dr Google will have more than enough articles, but I found the following resources particularly helpful:

Medical Daily, Runners World, Menprovement, Higher Status by Jason Capital. You will also find a lot of information about Wim Hof who combines cold showering with his famous breathing techniques. Check out YouTube for video materials about Wim.

This is a summary of the benefits of cold showers, extracted from all these sources:

• Energy to start the day
• Relieve muscle soreness by reducing lactic acid
• Stronger mentality to face daily challenges / help emotional resilience to prepare the brain for stress
• Lower depression by stimulating the release of noradrenaline
• Increase fat loss, by using fat to keep warm
• Increase blood circulation to the organs to stay warm
• Improve skin and hair by reducing the body’s natural oil loss
• Increase in testosterone
• Drain the lymphatic system of cellular waste to improve the immune system
• Promote better quality of sleep and relaxation.

Some tips for getting used to cold showers

Well, this seems like a big challenge, so how do I go about doing this?

Like anything new, don’t go in too big or else it may be counterproductive, potentially leading you to give up. It’s best to start small and then build up to longer times.

I’m on two minutes at the moment, which I find highly beneficial—but I had to build up to that.

Building up like this can help:

• 30 seconds
• 1 minute
• 90 seconds
• 2 minutes.

Or even break it down further to:

• 15 seconds
• 30 seconds
• 45 seconds.

Go at your own pace, I did a few days of 30 seconds before a few days of a minute and then built up incrementally to two minutes.

Another key tip is not to fight the cold but to embrace and accept it. Learn that you are in a cold shower. If you struggle with this, try and say, ‘I accept and embrace this cold shower’ rather than fighting it.

Finally, make it into a habit and reward yourself for doing it. You might give yourself a couple of squares of dark chocolate—high cocoa content of 70% or so is actually quite healthy—for completing it each day. This is rewarding your brain for doing something good and it will learn that message. Plus, quality dark chocolate also has immunity benefits!

You can do longer than 2 minutes if you want, but I find 2 minutes beneficial enough for me. I would suggest though that anything under a minute is not going to give you enough benefit, although of course build up at the start.

Conclusion

Are cold showers nice or luxurious when you’re in one? No! But they’re like many challenging things in life; they can give you such a boost and benefit when you make it into a regular habit.

I’ve felt such a boost in the morning, becoming more resilient to mental challenges and more focused.

Since a plethora of research supports the benefits of cold showers, you can feel well supported when indulging in this practice.

It’s not to say you can’t ever have a luxury hot shower or warm bath again, but a morning cold shower can really help you set your day up right.

Photo by Chandler Cruttenden on Unsplash

Jonny Pardoe © January 2020

http://example.com

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Jonny Pardoe

The post The buzz of cold showers for your well-being and growth appeared first on The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset.