I write this having been on an interview with an awesome friend yesterday, where I actually got quite emotional. I thought what a better topic today than emotional expression within men. In the interview I started talking about the judgement drunk or drugged up people often get, and whilst I believe it’s one of the worst ways to deal with emotions and awful behaviour can occur I often feel a lot of love for those people as I too have been in my years in a pretty intoxicated state. The reason why I believe we use alcohol and drugs in these ways is because we are so hurt to deal with emotions and seeing someone from that point of view makes me emotional, it’s often a very hurt person.
Even writing this makes me emotional. The problem I’ve found as a man is this has come from a lack of being able to express my emotions when I’ve been hurt or wounded. Let me share a very personal story with you, when I was young at the ages of 2-7 I lost a brother, another sibling in miscarriage, my grandad and my grandma who at the time was my best friend. I got to a point where I couldn’t feel sad when my grandma died as my system was so shut off.
This manifested in different ways, as a kid I would distract myself with video games, in my teenage years I would day dream and fantasy away from reality and then into my twenties I became a party animal out every weekend getting wasted pretty much all the time. Even though I didn’t drink every day, when I went out on weekends I was subconsciously doing it to avoid reality. I also became addicted to external validation, something to this day I’ve definitely worked on a lot but now and then have to catch it out.
I didn’t know how to feel my own emotions. I didn’t have problems socially in my late teens or twenties as I met lots of people. When I got into the personal growth space in 2019 I explored many modalities which in the last two years has led me into breath work and deeper modalities allowing me to really feel into myself. I will feel anger, anxiety, stress, sadness and allow myself. I will also feel a lot more joy, peace and excitement too. My journey back now from the challenging emotions is a lot healthier than it’s ever been.
So how have I developed my emotional expression?
- Daily breath work – 10 minutes daily
- A routine to feel emotions when they come up – for example if anger comes up I give myself a minute to scream into a pillow. If sadness I may sit down to some sad music hug myself and cry
- Find the right people who hold space, not give advice or can’t listen very well
Those are some of my favourites but I make it a priority rather than running from them. Whatever you decide is your emotional expression, I suggest making it a priority for you and do it regularly. One final note I’ll add is to find the right people to share with even if that’s a therapist or coach. Emotionally people can’t always hold space, and that doesn’t make them wrong but find a container that makes you feel safe. That also includes yourself, give yourself room to feel emotions or else they will build up.
Jonny Pardoe
The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset Ltd 2025 ©
