The Mental Framework Every Man Needs When Life Knocks Him Flat**
When Life Doesn’t Go to Plan — And Your Head Takes the Hit
There are moments in life where something doesn’t just disappoint you — it hits you.
Hard.
You don’t just feel frustrated.
You feel lost, deflated, questioning yourself, and quietly wondering what this says about you as a man.
If you’ve ever had a plan collapse…
If you’ve ever felt like failure rewired your confidence overnight…
If you’ve ever replayed a moment in your head thinking “This wasn’t how it was supposed to go”…
Then what you’re about to read matters.
When I sat down with Jose Murillo on the podcast, one phrase cut through everything:
Forget it. Drive on.
Not as a way of suppressing emotions.
Not as a way of pretending things don’t hurt.
But as a mental framework for men who want to stay strong without disconnecting from themselves.
Failure, Identity & The First Big Psychological Knock
Jose’s story starts where many men’s confidence fractures for the first time.
You build your identity around a goal.
You work for it.
You sacrifice for it.
You become it.
And then… it doesn’t happen.
For Jose, that was medical school.
Rejected.
Dream gone.
Identity shaken.
At 22 years old, he didn’t just feel disappointed — he felt directionless.
And that’s where many men spiral.
Not because they failed —
but because they don’t know who they are without the thing they failed at.
That’s when his father — a military man who barely spoke English — walked into the room, stood like a drill sergeant, and delivered four words that would shape his entire life:
Forget it. Drive on.
Not “ignore it.”
Not “numb it.”
Not “pretend it didn’t hurt.”
But: acknowledge it… then move.
Why Men Get Stuck Mentally (And How This Breaks Confidence)
Here’s what happens psychologically when you don’t “drive on”:
- you over-identify with failure
- you replay it endlessly
- you personalise the outcome
- you confuse circumstance with self-worth
- you get emotionally stuck in the past
And over time, this does damage.
Your confidence drops.
Your decision-making tightens.
Your risk tolerance shrinks.
Your self-esteem becomes conditional.
Jose’s father gave him something most men are never taught:
You can feel it — but you don’t have to live in it.
That’s not emotional suppression.
That’s emotional leadership.
Mental Strength Isn’t Stoicism — It’s Direction
Forget It ≠ Bury It
This is important.
“Forget it” doesn’t mean pretending nothing happened.
It means not allowing one moment to define the rest of your life.
You feel it.
You process it.
You learn from it.
And then — you move.
Because staying stuck doesn’t make you deep.
It makes you stagnant.
The Right-Now Rule: How to Stop Your Mind from Spiralling
One of the most powerful tools Jose shared wasn’t motivational — it was practical.
When pressure builds, stress piles up, and your head feels chaotic, you don’t need more thinking.
You need grounding.
Jose uses a simple sensory reset:
- What can you see right now?
- What can you hear?
- What can you feel physically?
- What can you taste or smell?
This forces your nervous system out of yesterday’s regrets and tomorrow’s fears and brings you back to now.
Because most mental suffering doesn’t happen in the present moment —
it happens in imagined futures or replayed pasts.
Confidence returns when your mind returns to the present.
Responsibility Without Self-Blame
One of the hardest — and most empowering — truths Jose shared came from a military philosophy:
If you created the situation, you can get out of it.
That’s not about blaming yourself.
It’s about regaining agency.
Victimhood kills confidence.
Responsibility restores it.
When you accept that you have influence — even if you didn’t cause everything — you stop feeling powerless.
And powerlessness is what breaks men internally.
Redefining Success Before It’s Taken Away from You
This part matters deeply for men.
Jose said something most men don’t realise until it’s too late:
If your definition of success is money, status, or position — you’re building your identity on things that can disappear.
And when they do?
So does your sense of worth.
His definition of success?
A campfire.
Good people.
A beer.
Presence.
Not because ambition is bad —
but because relationships and meaning outlast titles.
When you define success internally, life can’t take it away from you.
That’s confidence that survives pressure.
Fear, Action & Why Confidence Is Built Through Movement
Jose didn’t overcome fear by thinking about it.
He overcame it by acting.
Public speaking terrified him — yet he became a CEO, then an entrepreneur.
Not because fear disappeared…
but because action came first.
Confidence follows movement — not the other way around.
Every small action teaches your nervous system that you can handle discomfort.
That’s how self-esteem grows in real life — not affirmations alone, but lived proof.
This One Question Will Save You Years of Mental Energy
One of the most powerful questions Jose shared came from a former boss:
“Is this the hill you want to die on?”
If it won’t matter in five years…
If it doesn’t align with your values…
If it doesn’t serve your future…
Why are you bleeding emotional energy into it now?
This question alone can stop mental burnout in its tracks.
The Core Lesson for Men’s Mental Health
Here’s the truth underneath everything Jose shared:
- Mental strength isn’t pretending you’re unaffected
- Confidence isn’t never failing
- Self-esteem isn’t external success
It’s this:
You can feel deeply — and still move forward.
You can acknowledge pain — without letting it own you.
You can experience setbacks — without losing yourself.
That’s what Forget It. Drive On. really means.
And that’s a framework every man needs.
Lead with your heart and not with fear.
You can find the full episode on any of these channels:
Apple / Spotify / YouTube:
The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset Podcast
By Jonny Pardoe
©The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset Ltd 2025
