If you’ve ever been told to “just stay positive” when your life feels like it’s falling apart, you already know how useless that advice can be. I have!
In men’s mental health, this version of positivity shows up everywhere. Maybe you’ve been taught to plaster on a smile at work, tell your mates you’re “all good,” or convince yourself that repeating affirmations will cure years of stress and suppressed anger.
To be clear I do believe in a positive mindset over a negative one. A positive mindset is a great starter but there’s a lot more deeper I’ve found.
The issue isn’t positivity itself — it’s the fakery. Telling myself to “man up” or slap a grin over the cracks is like taping your car’s check-engine light. Sure, you can still drive it for a while, but eventually, the thing is going to break down… and probably in the middle of traffic.
For men, this is especially dangerous. You’re under pressure to appear strong, unshakeable, the guy who’s got it all together. So when you feel like crap, you hide it behind forced optimism. And the more you do that, the more your inner world quietly rots.
So What Do You Do Instead?
- Feel it first. You don’t need to camp out in your pain forever, but stop running from it. Journal, talk it out, hit the gym — whatever gets it out of your head and into the open. Breathwork is a personal favourite.
- Act where you can. Positivity without action is a lie. If something needs changing, take a step — even a small one — toward fixing it.
- Ditch the fake grin. Real optimism isn’t about pretending everything’s fine; it’s about building resilience so you can handle life’s punches without needing to fake it.
Surface-level positivity isn’t just ineffective, it’s dangerous. For men, it keeps you locked in silence, pretending, holding it all together on the outside while you’re crumbling on the inside.
A positive mindset done right isn’t about ignoring what hurts. It’s about owning your truth, facing it, and then choosing to move forward with resilience, not denial. That’s the kind of mindset that actually heals.
©The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset Ltd 2025
