Tip 1: Acknowledge the negativity; don’t run from it
How to become happier with yourself? It’s ok to not feel great all the time. Yes, you have read that correctly. If you are expecting to read the answer to being happy all the time, well you’ve come to the wrong place and in fact there is nowhere online where you will find this. Why? Nobody on this planet is happy all the time, even if it seems it. Happier people are just able to acknowledge their negative feelings better, work through them and feel happy the majority of the time. They do this by starting to face the truth and not running away from it.

A good thing to do is either to talk to friends or family, but an even better practice is to journal. In fact, I’ve started to double my journaling efforts. Journaling is like being your own therapist at times. Make it a daily activity, where you journal a question and then write the answer; getting the words or the clutter out of your head, really does help.

Tip 2: Practise gratitude to be happy with what you have now
Do you find that your mind is constantly rushing into the future? I know mine certainly has. When this happens, we can never be happy; there is always the feeling that something else is to come. Instead of doing this, learn to appreciate what is great in your life right now, no matter how small. I would advise 3 x 1-minute slots a day naming those things that you appreciate. It could be the bed you woke up in, the nice meal you had, a great chat with a friend or anything. This may not be too easy at first, but you will get better and better at this and start to feel great about life and to become happier.

Tip 3 – Get off social media
I constantly say this. It’s not to say get off completely but scrolling on social media, looking at those ‘perfect’ people, who aren’t perfect at all, will not help. Social media is useful and great for networking but can cause negative feelings such as disconnection from reality, unhealthy comparisons and actually ruin relationships if you don’t engage, person to person. All of those are happiness killers.
Instead cut down on your hours on social media, have social media free times and instead, spend those times doing things that you enjoy or which give you satisfaction. Start small in cutting down the hours .

Tip 4- Focus on you and your efforts rather than the outcome
Linked to social media, we live in a highly competitive world today, whereby we want instant results. It’s great to set goals and to have ambitions but at the same time, it’s good to accept that things take time and it’s best to focus on being happy RIGHT NOW.
Learn to appreciate yourself more by giving praise for what you do on a daily basis and find the fun in as many things as possible.

Tip 5- Perfection doesn’t exist and so get rid of it
Perfection can be a killer; someone being perfect does not exist. Nobody in this world is perfect, even if you perceive them to be. I am talking about life and yourself, nothing is perfect. When I started to accept that things do go wrong and that I have my own faults, I felt a lot better about life. Having the expectation that nothing will go wrong, is not realistic and will only do more harm than good.

Summary
Keep applying things to yourself and your own life that make you feel happier. Easier said than done? Well yes…. Like anything but nothing will change unless you take action. Rather than just reading tips to be happy, you need to action steps on how to train your brain to be happy. Isn’t it worth spending time taking action to make yourself happy? Make habits for happiness.

Jonny Pardoe © May 2020
http://example.com
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Jonny Pardoe

Photo by 𝗔𝗹𝗲𝘅 𝘙𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘳 on Unsplash

The post How Do I Be Happy? appeared first on The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset.

External validation is dangerous. External validation takes away control of your own life. I do not want this for you, and I don’t want this for me. It’s not saying everyone else is bad but rather it creates the reliance on something out of your control, to be happy. Why not take this control back?

My struggle with external validation

Now before I start, I’m going to be honest: I am no angel by any means. Of course, naturally, I will look at how many books I’ve sold, how many people like my social media posts or who is texting me this week. As someone who is a growing Coach, Author, YouTuber and Podcaster, of course I am going to do this. Yet I’ve learnt that it is better to use this as feedback for what is and isn’t working, rather than relying on it for my enjoyment and satisfaction out of life.

I used to be so reliant on results for dictating my life. My struggle in Amazon book sales when I first started publishing books, my likes on social media as an older teenager, my expectations of receiving text replies from a girl I was dating, all used to take a large amount of control over how I felt. It was ok when things were going well but when they weren’t, I felt awful and worthless.

So instead, over time, I decided that the only approval I needed was self-approval. I know I’m not the only man or person who struggles with external validation though, whether it’s ‘I need to find the romantic partner to like me’, ‘I need more likes’ or indeed any kind of validation at all.

External validation during coronavirus

You would think that the need for this might be reduced, as we are in our own homes. However, as we all know, technology and social media are all around us; after all, we most of us still have our phones and the internet in our homes. In fact, we are probably relying more on social media and technology now, as we can’t go out and physically interact with people as much. Although I would hope that you are not the type of person who spends much time on their phone when with others anyway…

So, here are my top three tips that have helped me to reduce external validation.

Top 3 external validation destroyers

Reduction in social media and/ or texts
Looking at your phone can play a major role in external validation. So stop…Simple!
…..Ok, or maybe not look at it as much. The problem is we become addicted to our phones, and research shows we get dopamine hits when we get likes or texts. Therefore, cut down rather than stop completely, as then we are more likely to maintain this reduction rather than give up completely.

Go for a walk without your phone or music. Just enjoy nature.
I’ve found this so relaxing. Sometimes I am so tuned into music, podcasts or checking my phone that I don’t focus on the present and what is around me. When I started to go for walks and runs without anything, I found it so relaxing. I am focused on being present, rather than thinking about everything and everybody else. Just a 20-30 min walk each day can do you the world of good.

Find something you genuinely enjoy
Not something that will make you look good to others. Something in which you can lose yourself. It may be something creative or it may not be. When I write a book, I fall into that world and forget about everything else around me. I don’t care about what others think or how good it will look. It doesn’t have to be something amazingly productive. It can be anything that you love such as reading a book, learning something new or even watching a film you enjoy.

Conclusion
External validation is something very common for us all. It becomes dangerous when we get too addicted to it though, as it’s something out of our control, dictating our happiness. Instead, bring the focus back to you. There are some simple quick tips to help you to do this: focus on feeling good and on being you.

Jonny Pardoe © April 2020
http://example.com
Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Anchor and Amazon:
Jonny Pardoe
Photo by Thom Holmes on Unsplash

The post External validation during the coronavirus appeared first on The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset.