It’s definitely been a wake up call for me a few times in life even recently.
It means that we can learn about growth and evolving ourselves. We can learn about self mastery.
I love learning and growing.

Yet….. it does not become real until experiencing it. Then when experiencing it, if we are able to utilise what we’ve learned that helps evolve us as human beings and therefore the level of consciousness we are at.

Recently as you may have read I hit a bit of a low a mixture of a couple of health challenges (still ongoing), a breakup, struggling at times in my career, a financial setback and a couple of other things.
Admittedly it got me down. I got into a couple of bad old habits.
After a couple of weeks I snapped out of it and made some changes in my life.

As I write this I feel joy and excitement for what I am creating and who I am becoming. Challenges are there but getting to utilise all I’ve learned is so cool.

Peter described life as giving us practical exams too. Like in school you take tests for what you’ve leaned. Life gives you practical tests for what you’ve learned. When I’ve remembered this I’ve become less resistant to reality and working with it.

I don’t always get it right, but I can see the growth and evolution since making some changes.

If you are someone going through a challenging time, it’s not for me about not processing the emotions. I’ve screamed into pillows, done intense breath work and played music to allow the tears to flow. Yet coming back to focusing on what I’ve wanted not what I don’t want. It’s presented fulfilment and more peace in my life.
Knowing I am going through a season of a life exam and what is coming are the rewards.

I’ve also found looking at huge inspirational examples in history have helped.
For example Viktor Frankl who wrote Man’s Search for Meaning. Found meaning in some of the worst conditions a human being could be treated.
Nelson Mandela went to prison for years yet came out with forgiveness and love.
Those for me show what is possible for human beings and myself to get to.

This reframe has extremely helped me mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

What life practical exam are you currently facing?
How will you process it and then embrace it for your growth?

Remember to lead with your heart and not with fear.

The post Theory Does Not Pay The Price of Admission To The Higher Level of Consciousness appeared first on The Men's Mental Health & Growth Podcast.

I’ve done a lot of work and some life changes since my breakup in September which have definitely helped and I am certainly in a better place than I was in 2-3 weeks. Some things are just happy memories that I am not attached to, with thoughts of the best for my ex girlfriend. Amazing human being, and mutually we decided it wouldn’t work and that’s ok.
Yet as I come to Christmas and New Year I find myself quite triggered.
Why?
Well last year we spent the time just after Christmas and for New Years together. Being very vulnerable this was the first time we told each other we loved each other.
So now as a man working on himself, and grow what he’s working on and I am not in a place to proactively date for some time, it can be quite challenging even with the work, to look at this period and feel sad about it not being the same as last year.

So I’ve taken the approach of it being a true test of character.
I am now looking at ways in which I can have fun socially this Christmas and New Year.
Ways I can make enjoying my own company even more fun.
Ways I can create.
Ways I can grow.

The past me would have said ‘Not this please life, don’t make me be single after a breakup at Christmas’
There’s a part of me that said ‘Let’s get through this’.
Then I realised the beauty is in the growth and as my great teachers say, play the game of ‘Feeling great NOW’ not the game of ‘Feeling great IF’ or ‘Feeing great WHEN’.
Those are just chasing more and more things.

This is not about suppressing feelings or emotions. There are times I feel really sad, not in a place of wanting my girlfriend back we loved each other a lot but it wasn’t meant to be, but in a place of missing that deep love and connection with someone. In those times I connect with my inner child more or get creative or reach out to friends.
This is about allowing those whist finding fun in life and creating something special I am proud of such as blogs, podcasts, videos etc.

I’ve learned that in life I can wait for circumstances to change to feel great. I can work hard in a needy exhausting way fighting reality.
Yet when I learn that life will always have different challenges and learn to be with the more challenging ones and navigate those emotions into a higher frequency or level of consciousness that’s the beauty in life.

Remember to lead with your heart and not with fear.

The post Struggling with Heartbreak Over Christmas and New Year as a Man? A New Fun Assignment. appeared first on The Men's Mental Health & Growth Podcast.

In this world people (including myself of course love to share their opinions) and there is nothing wrong with that of course.
The problem I’ve found it that sometimes people have great intentions, yet call what they are saying ‘advice’.
They get passionate about what they are learning, which is great, yet haven’t fully implemented or seen the result yet. This can therefore impact me.
When my teacher Peter Sage said the following quote ‘Advice is only advice if the other person has the result you want. Everything else is an opinion’ it hit me hard.

Examples of what I would term advice:
A multi millionaire teaching you how to get rich
Someone in a loving passionate relationship teaching you how to find a relationship
Someone who has worked hard to get into shape (not a 20 year old influencer naturally with a great body) teaching you how to get in shape
Someone who has manifested so much in their life and continues to teaching about manifesting – Kevin Trudeau and Peter Sage, the only 2 people I listen to on this subject as prime examples

Examples of opinion and claim it is advice:
Someone broke who has read a couple of books on making money teaching you how to make money
Someone single telling you how to find a passionate loving relationship – this opinion is unpopular, but sorry they don’t have the result. Hence why I hired Men’s Coaches in loving relationships.
Someone who eats badly and doesn’t exercise telling you how to get in shape as they saw a video on Instagram

Another thing I’ve found is also paying attention to the energy of the person. For example I’ve found influencers (not to name) who have actually generated huge amounts of wealth. They are walking the talk in terms of making money and teach it. Yet I sometimes feel their energy comes from proving to be good enough or an intense anger. Whereas I like to follow people who have an energy like Peter or Kevin where they work for it, but it’s out of fun, service and love.

One huge thing I’ve learnt from Kevin is the rule ‘who do you listen to?’ One of his basics. Always pay attention to the energy and results of the person teaching you.
He also teaches, that you must teach yourself the information and GET RESULTS yourself before you teach others.
I think listening to the wrong people can actually be quite damaging mentally and emotionally if they haven’t got the results and or don’t have the right energy behind what they are doing. Even though a lot of the time it’s people with great intentions to help others, they just haven’t quite got the transformation themselves.
This may be unpopular but this has been my experience.

Every day I read and or listen to Peter and Kevin and the energy transfer and what they are teaching me is mind blowing.
My content is my own awareness in my life, not saying people should do anything but just a blog.

Thank you for reading.

Remember to lead with your heart and not with fear.

The post ‘Advice is Only Advice If The Other Person Has The Result You Want. Everything Else is an Opinion’. Why I Believe Some ‘Advice’ Can Be Damaging Mentally and Emotionally for a Man appeared first on The Men's Mental Health & Growth Podcast.

100% done this many times. Not reaching out for help. Thinking as a man I had to do it alone.
Recently I reached out for help in my net work and found an overwhelm of love and support. I am so grateful.

It got me thinking about this and called to write this blog today.

I’ve had many experiences and joined many communities and as a result attracted a lot of like minded people into my life. From the Peter Sage world, Tony Robbins world, Joseph McClendon world, Danny Morel world and more.

Some of these people being high quality value master coaches offering to jump on a 20 minute call to just help me. I am beyond grateful for that. Some of those conversations completely shaped the way I was thinking.

Even though I’ve done so much work on myself, had many coaches and trainings. When I am in the emotion and challenge it can be hard to see another perspective and that’s the beauty of a powerful network.

If you are struggling alone and want a stronger network or support around you here are some tips that have worked for me:

1. Go to events
   Both virtual and in person – but in person is even more powerful. I have met some of my closest friends at these events.
2. Join groups or communities of interest
   Find groups on topics you enjoy or are intrigued in. This may be controversial but I’d also suggest joining paid ones. Those are the best events or groups I’ve joined. I’ve found there is a different energy around people who have committed money into themselves to do something than free events. Personally at free stuff I find people complain more (not always) and I don’t want to be around that.
3. Find local groups such as Meetup
   I recall going to a local YES group and seeing a speaker who grabbed my attention. From following the speaker I then joined a group of which I made some very close friends to this day. In person is powerful.
4. You actually do have to socialise
   This is the challenging one if you are someone who says BS like ‘I’m not very good at socialising’ well guess what you never will be! That is not doing you any favours and nobody feels sorry for you. I used to have that story in my teens it didn’t serve me. Make a decision to take small steps to socialise and watch the changes in your life. You could even start as small as a step of logging on to Meetup.com and signing up for an event that’s a win. Then turning up is your next win. Then talking to at least one person is your next win.

I don’t believe truly that we are meant to do things alone. We are social creatures. I have had to learn this over time. Expand your net work meet new people be there for them as they will be there for you.

Remember to lead with your heart and not with fear.

The post The Power of My Network on Mental Health appeared first on The Men's Mental Health & Growth Podcast.

Ever felt like you drank too much? Or running from your emotions?

Today I wanted to share my open story and what differences I’ve noticed with no alcohol.

When I was a teenager I was relatively well behaved, I only had a drink twice and it was no more than a few cans both times. I spent a lot of time going to watch football, play football or study for my exams I was excited.

When I hit 18 I first went to the pub with friends and relatively good those first months. Having a few pints and a laugh nothing too harmful.

When I went to University to admittedly feel more confident socially and with girls especially lol, I started to up my drinking levels. There were some nights when I would not recall anything and get stupid, others I was fine.
During my time in University drink or not I had massively transformed my confidence socially and with girls.

When I came into my twenties though I would go out every weekend pretty much. I could probably count on 2 hands at most the amount of times I stayed in on a Saturday night in my twenties before the covid years.

My nights could vary from a laugh with some mates to completely lost in a city, to ending up in A&E on rare occasion or losing my wallet.
This was only usually a Saturday night but sometimes a lot consumed.

When I got into my early thirties, even when discovering personal growth, life really hit and I found myself running from reality. I would drink over the weekend at times (not every weekend but sometimes) and a lot harder.

Then could have periods of 3-6 months sober fine. My life would dramatically improve when sober. Yet I was always tempted to go back as I had not completely resolved things like my nervous system or emotional challenges that alcohol allowed me to temporarily to escape from.

Recently going through on and off challenges through the year I’ve found alcohol way too damaging for my mental, emotional and physical health that I can no longer go back to it. I am admittedly someone who has always struggled with just one or two although it is possible and have done it, it has escalated into many more.

Even when I would just go out on a Saturday for a big night out, my mental health was challenged until at least the following Thursday. The depressants in the alcohol impacted me so severely and put me in a dark place. It also mentally gives me so much brain fog it’s untrue and I can’t focus, which is even worse for a very active overthinking mind.

This is why I declared sobriety. I am excited now for where life takes me. Even though challenging emotions can be challenging to sit with rather than run, when experiencing the great ones I really too. I am enjoying socialising without alcohol. I am physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually feeling so great right now. I do reach out for support when needed such as accountability but celebrate that when I walk past people drinking in the pubs, I wish them a great evening whilst I go home and enjoy reading, doing breath work or talking to a close friend.

I am not saying people shouldn’t drink, people of course enjoy a couple or few of pints in the pub and have a pleasant evening. I can do that but it’s very challenging and the risk of alcohol on my mental health is too big for me and also my energy for doing what I love. We are all different.

This is my experience and excited to embrace my life of sobriety and all the possibilities that are coming into my life.

Thanks for reading.

Remember to lead with your heart and not with fear.

The post Why I Gave Up Alcohol appeared first on The Men's Mental Health & Growth Podcast.

When I say alone I mean with no romantic partner.

Certainly in the past been challenged with this and the old me would have been seeking validation. I’ve now though come to a place whereby I enjoy my own company, I look forward to spending the holidays with family and friends. And even though I won’t be seeing the New Year in with my girlfriend like last year I have come to a place with deep diving work where I could be out with friends (not drinking) or just sitting in my own home with an early night enjoying my own company.

I decided to write this blog today to share what’s helped me get to this point. I know like me many men go through heartbreak, setbacks and struggles. I admittedly am still on a journey and still things to work through, one key thing I’ve learned though is that I am never alone when I love my own company.
Now when I say being ok with being alone I do not mean I am closed off to meeting the right girl in future, but equally getting to the point where I would be ok if I never do in this lifetime and appreciate what I’ve had. Yet I know not just for men but all genders being alone is a daunting thought.

Here are 4 things that have really made a difference in my life:

1. Inner child work
   A quote I once heard was ‘when the boy is healed the man appears’ I have certainly had the little boy running the show and he will show up. Yet my daily commitments to telling the little boy inside of me have healed my relationship with myself and feel so much better in my own company
2. Finding social groups that make me feel good
   I am blessed to have joined many communities and groups over the years and have many amazing friends in person and online. One of the loneliest experiences I’ve had is when I would hang out with groups who did not allow me to feel great and we would only connect through drinking. Find people you feel good around that is an energy that will rub off on you. And yes you do have to make the effort to socialise.
3. Do at least one thing you love
   Therefore is nothing worse than exhausting yourself with things that drain you all the time when you feel lonely. Me ramping up my content, practising my sales skills and learning to find the fun in my career (even though I get overwhelmed by lots of information) has allowed me to connect with myself more. It also goes back to the little boy having fun.
4. Learn to be happy for others
   This is definitely a practice. If you see happy couples together, practise being happy for them. If it’s possible for them it’s possible for you. Celebrating other people in general actually allows me to see such good in the world and get more excited about my own life. Yes jealously and resentment can be very strong to overcome, so it’s a muscle to practice.

At the end of this I’ll ask this, are you really alone when you love your own company and trust life?

Remember to lead with your heart and not with fear.

The post Scared of Being Alone as a Man? appeared first on The Men's Mental Health & Growth Podcast.

If you’ve ever wondered why you click instantly with some people and struggle painfully with others, you’re not broken. You’re human. And whether you’ve been aware of it or not, emotional intelligence has been directing those interactions.

When I sat down with Dr. Robin Hills — a leading voice in emotional intelligence and founder of EI4Change — I knew this wasn’t going to be another fluffy, motivational chat. This was a deep dive into the stuff most people think they understand… until they’re asked to actually demonstrate it.

Before you roll your eyes at the phrase “emotional intelligence,” let’s be clear: this isn’t about becoming some serene monk who feels nothing, floats above pain, and smiles beatifically while life falls apart.
No — emotional intelligence is far more real, far more uncomfortable, and far more powerful than that.

It’s about being smart with your feelings so you can make solid decisions and build relationships that don’t fall apart the second life gets stressful.

Let’s get into it.

What Emotional Intelligence Actually Is

A Simple Definition for Something Deeply Complex

Emotional intelligence, as Robin put it, is essentially:

Being smart with your feelings so you can make the right decisions and build authentic relationships — then act on them.

That’s it.
No mystical jargon.
No personality test bingo.
Just you, your emotions, and learning how to not let them bulldoze your wellbeing or relationships.

And yes, you can develop it. You’re not stuck with whatever emotional toolkit you had at 17. Cognitive intelligence may plateau, but emotional intelligence evolves for your entire life — until cognitive decline sets in, at which point you’ve earned the right to be as eccentric and brutally honest as you want.

The Myths Everyone Gets Wrong

Myth #1: “I’m already emotionally intelligent.”

If someone has to tell you they’re emotionally intelligent… they’re probably not.

I’ve met people — especially in leadership — who proudly announce, “Oh, I’m very emotionally intelligent,” right before explaining how they ‘manage’ people by making them fearful, stressed, or angry at will.
Right. Inspiring.

Myth #2: Emotional intelligence = controlling a handful of basic emotions

It’s not just about anger, guilt, shame, happiness or anxiety. You’re not managing emojis.
You’re managing:

• The way your body reacts
  
• The way your thoughts shift
  
• The way your behaviour changes
  
• The impact all of that has on someone else
  

You are reacting emotionally in every conversation — including this one.

Where You Actually Start

If you’re thinking, “Great, emotional intelligence sounds useful, but I have no idea where to begin,” here’s Robin’s simple truth:

Start with self-awareness.

Personality assessments like DISC, MBTI, OCEAN, or NEO can help — as long as they’re paired with coaching.
Do one alone and it’s basically a horoscope.
Do one with guidance and it becomes a mirror into your blind spots, patterns, and default reactions.

And trust me — if you want confidence, healthier relationships, better self-esteem, or just a clearer sense of who you are… self-awareness isn’t optional.

How Emotional Intelligence Helps You Handle Stress

You Need Stress — but Not the Kind That Flattens You

Pressure isn’t the enemy.
In fact, a bit of stress (known as eustress) fuels motivation, growth, and performance.

The problem?
When stress tips past “helpful nudge” into “complete derailment.”

And here’s where emotional intelligence comes in:

• It helps you spot your emotional state before it blindsides you.
  
• It shows you what triggered the stress in the first place.
  
• It teaches you how to adapt rather than collapse.
  

And yes — in the heat of the moment, it’s still hard. Even emotional intelligence experts lose the plot sometimes. As Aristotle put it:

“Anyone can become angry — that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, in the right way, at the right time… that is not easy.”

Humanity wins again.

Using “Negative” Emotions as Tools — Not Threats

Sadness, anger, shame… these emotions are not flaws. They’re data.

Yes — data.

Emotions tell you:

• Why something matters
  
• What value was threatened
  
• What loss you’re grieving
  
• Which boundary was crossed
  
• Which need wasn’t met
  

When Robin spoke about his mother’s passing, he explained how sadness is part of the healing process. It resets you emotionally and physiologically, helping you move forward rather than stay emotionally frozen.

So if you’ve ever wondered, “How could sadness possibly help me?”
That’s how.

Allowing Yourself to Actually Feel

Why suppressing emotions destroys relationships

You can suppress emotions… until you can’t.

And when your emotions finally erupt, they don’t come out politely with a cup of tea. They come out like a blunderbuss — loud, abrupt, and completely disproportionate.

Learning to say:

“I’m feeling… (insert emotion)”

…is the simplest, most effective step toward emotional intelligence.

No one can argue with your emotions. They can argue with your logic, but not your internal experience.

Try:

• “I’m feeling overwhelmed because…”
  
• “I’m feeling anxious right now due to…”
  
• “I’m feeling excited about…”
  

This one practice opens doors to deeper connection — especially in romantic relationships where emotional engagement isn’t optional; it’s the glue.

Why Men Especially Need This Work

A lot of men only express emotions at:

• football matches
  
• the pub
  
• when their team loses
  
• when their team wins
  
• and occasionally when they stub a toe
  

But emotional intelligence isn’t tough-guy suppression.
It’s learning how to feel, express, and communicate what’s going on inside before it sabotages your mental health or relationships.

Even crying — yes, crying — is not a weakness.
It’s a release valve.

Music does this for both me and Robin.
A song hits the right note from the right era and suddenly you’re feeling every memory you packed away for a decade.

It doesn’t make you fragile.
It makes you human.

Self-Esteem, Confidence, and the Way You Relate to Yourself

When you grow your emotional intelligence, you stop fighting yourself.

You stop seeing emotions as enemies and start seeing them as signals — messages from a wiser, deeper part of you.

Your self-esteem improves because you’re no longer shaming yourself for feeling things.

Your confidence rises because you’re no longer afraid of your internal world.

And your relationships become richer because you’re finally showing up as… you.

Final Thoughts: The One Message You Need to Take Away

There is only one of you.
There always has been, and there always will be.

Your emotional world isn’t something to fear or suppress — it’s something to understand, to work with, to respect.

Because when you learn to use your emotions as information rather than identity, you don’t just build confidence.
You build the kind of self-trust that carries you through stress, grief, conflict, and every curveball life throws at you.

Lead with your heart and not with fear.

You can find the full episode on any of these channels:

Apple / Spotify / YouTube:

The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset Podcast

By Jonny Pardoe

©The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset Ltd 2025

The post Understanding Emotional Intelligence: The Skill That Shapes Your Confidence, Relationships, and Mental Health appeared first on The Men's Mental Health & Growth Podcast.

These are some of the ways I’ve effectively found leading myself.

Inner child work 

Critical for self love and a self relationship. If you can’t sit with your own inner child how can you really love yourself? It’s like abandoning your own child. You are your own inner child. So pay attention to your own inner child’s needs and look after him and then the man will appear as the leader.

Listening to your heart

Every day we get to make a decision – shall I lead with love or fear? Your heart always wants to lead with love, it is wisdom. The problem is the mind gets so loud I’ve found I can’t hear it, unless I make the intention to connect to it daily.

Focus on the needle movers

Stop distracting yourself with ‘busy stuff’ in fact busy is a word I’ve banned. I like to focus on three goals. My finances, my relationship / health and my mission. Then I focus on what are 3 habits each day towards each of these.

When I’ve found ownership on myself, my own discipline and sitting through my own emotions I’ve found being able to help others a lot more effective and supportive 🙂

Jonny Pardoe

©The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset Ltd 2025

The post Leading Yourself First appeared first on The Men's Mental Health & Growth Podcast.

In men’s mental health, this version of positivity shows up everywhere. Maybe you’ve been taught to plaster on a smile at work, tell your mates you’re “all good,” or convince yourself that repeating affirmations will cure years of stress and suppressed anger. 

To be clear I do believe in a positive mindset over a negative one. A positive mindset is a great starter but there’s a lot more deeper I’ve found. 

The issue isn’t positivity itself — it’s the fakery. Telling myself to “man up” or slap a grin over the cracks is like taping your car’s check-engine light. Sure, you can still drive it for a while, but eventually, the thing is going to break down… and probably in the middle of traffic.

For men, this is especially dangerous. You’re under pressure to appear strong, unshakeable, the guy who’s got it all together. So when you feel like crap, you hide it behind forced optimism. And the more you do that, the more your inner world quietly rots.

So What Do You Do Instead?

• Feel it first. You don’t need to camp out in your pain forever, but stop running from it. Journal, talk it out, hit the gym — whatever gets it out of your head and into the open. Breathwork is a personal favourite.
  
• Act where you can. Positivity without action is a lie. If something needs changing, take a step — even a small one — toward fixing it.
  
• Ditch the fake grin. Real optimism isn’t about pretending everything’s fine; it’s about building resilience so you can handle life’s punches without needing to fake it.
  

Surface-level positivity isn’t just ineffective, it’s dangerous. For men, it keeps you locked in silence, pretending, holding it all together on the outside while you’re crumbling on the inside.

A positive mindset done right isn’t about ignoring what hurts. It’s about owning your truth, facing it, and then choosing to move forward with resilience, not denial. That’s the kind of mindset that actually heals.

©The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset Ltd 2025

The post Men’s Mental Health: Why “Just Stay Positive” Does Not Always Work appeared first on The Men's Mental Health & Growth Podcast.

   Even writing this makes me emotional. The problem I’ve found as a man is this has come from a lack of being able to express my emotions when I’ve been hurt or wounded. Let me share a very personal story with you, when I was young at the ages of 2-7 I lost a brother, another sibling in miscarriage, my grandad and my grandma who at the time was my best friend. I got to a point where I couldn’t feel sad when my grandma died as my system was so shut off.

   This manifested in different ways, as a kid I would distract myself with video games, in my teenage years I would day dream and fantasy away from reality and then into my twenties I became a party animal out every weekend getting wasted pretty much all the time. Even though I didn’t drink every day, when I went out on weekends I was subconsciously doing it to avoid reality. I also became addicted to external validation, something to this day I’ve definitely worked on a lot but now and then have to catch it out. 

   I didn’t know how to feel my own emotions. I didn’t have problems socially in my late teens or twenties as I met lots of people. When I got into the personal growth space in 2019 I explored many modalities which in the last two years has led me into breath work and deeper modalities allowing me to really feel into myself. I will feel anger, anxiety, stress, sadness and allow myself. I will also feel a lot more joy, peace and excitement too. My journey back now from the challenging emotions is a lot healthier than it’s ever been.

So how have I developed my emotional expression?

• Daily breath work – 10 minutes daily
• A routine to feel emotions when they come up – for example if anger comes up I give myself a minute to scream into a pillow. If sadness I may sit down to some sad music hug myself and cry
• Find the right people who hold space, not give advice or can’t listen very well

Those are some of my favourites but I make it a priority rather than running from them. Whatever you decide is your emotional expression, I suggest making it a priority for you and do it regularly. One final note I’ll add is to find the right people to share with even if that’s a therapist or coach. Emotionally people can’t always hold space, and that doesn’t make them wrong but find a container that makes you feel safe. That also includes yourself, give yourself room to feel emotions or else they will build up.

Jonny Pardoe

The Self Esteem and Confidence Mindset Ltd 2025 ©

The post Emotional Expression for Men appeared first on The Men's Mental Health & Growth Podcast.